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Laphroaigh's Recent Statuses
Thu, 22-Aug-24 8:53 PM (76 days ago)
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"..Some asshole has my pen.." thought the nurse picking a rectal thermometer out of her pocket laugh
Was it originally in Italian, Laph? I'd love to see the original.
(76 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
"Вы хотите записаться членом?" "Нет, лучше карандашом."
(76 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
If you ever had a thermometer up your ass, you know how a pen feels.
(76 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
The main difference between a rectal and oral thermometer is the taste.
(75 days ago)
Laphroaigh and Artistic like this
no JG it was in eng but I wrote it as I recall.. also there is not a precise "asshole" analogy in italian .. we use "stronzo" which means "piece of shit" smile
(75 days ago)
Sun, 11-Aug-24 10:29 AM (87 days ago)
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..just noticed we can self-report... then if you do something against the rules you can report yourself without waiting for someone else to do it. lovely laugh
[ita] mamma mia [/ita]
(87 days ago)
I know what you said lol.
(87 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
*makes Laphroaig walk the plank for making the other mateys look bad.
(87 days ago)
Jersey__Girl likes this
*shows hands waiting for the rope *_*
(87 days ago)
Perv
(87 days ago)
Fri, 3-May-24 4:15 PM (187 days ago)
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got a brand new haircut smile
I need a haircut
(186 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
I just need hair
(186 days ago)
Jersey__Girl and Laphroaigh like this
You've been approved, Laph...for what, I'm not sure, though wink
(185 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
*hugs and kisses everyone for being awesome grin
(184 days ago)
I’ll take the man hugs Laph
(184 days ago)
Sun, 31-Mar-24 7:40 PM (220 days ago)
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it's amazing when you meet someone with a likewise perve mind tongue
Glad to see you, laph! 😄
(220 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
It really is.
(220 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
After viewing your profile, I sure hope we have the same perve mind!
(219 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
@adele yeah I talk to her about "us", but don't wanna push, she's interested tho, maybe in the future.. *_*
(219 days ago)
@melliek ahaha how well you know me, sweet Melliek smile yeah she's got and I never forget to let her know
(219 days ago)
MellieK likes this
Fri, 29-Mar-24 3:43 PM (222 days ago)
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hi lovely community!! *_*
Hi Laphroaig 👋 💋
(222 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Hey Laph!
(222 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
I’m loved up and over the moon happy 😊
(222 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
he's in da house
(222 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
*hugs everyone with love *_*
(220 days ago)
Sun, 15-Oct-23 11:14 AM (1 year ago)
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today it's been two months since I stopped.. so far no effort.. should I be worried?? ..NN's helping a lot smile
anyway, thx everyone for moral support! u rock! wink
(1 year ago)
Keep it up Laph...
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Congratulations sexy,it's been almost 7 years for me and still don't get the urge, and others smoking around me doesn't bother me at all....smile
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh and bigabner like this
what a relief to hear that smile
(1 year ago)
AdeleGingerRaine likes this
Well done Mr.Malt, keep it up! And you won't smell like an ashtray : )
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Mon, 9-Oct-23 5:30 PM (1 year ago)
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a special thanks to Kat for her anti-flu potion recipe! gave me a giant boost and relief and energy. I went to work too much aroused tho laugh
NaughtyKat likes this
ingredients: + lemon + honey + fire + water + pot + spoon + infuser + 10 minutes
(1 year ago)
NaughtyKat likes this
Glad to hear it worked! And well done for managing to use the ginger too.
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
You prolly should specify the remedy isn't a potion to get aroused! 🤣
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Tue, 3-Oct-23 5:55 PM (1 year ago)
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What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto
Oh good because I've just started knitting for the mafia. They call me scarf ace.
(1 year ago)
captain__82 and Laphroaigh like this
I cooked for the mob on Sunday, they wanted broken leg of lamb
(1 year ago)
Laph is right NK. Kenny G..Louis G (Luigi). I didn’t make it up. Was just saying Laph could have gone with a worse joke.
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
I did. Spaghetti breaking, seen worse. Using fork & knife, cutting them ghetti... yep they eat them that way.
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Thank Ksaint. It did go above my head and that's not cos I'm short.
(1 year ago)
Sun, 24-Sep-23 11:49 AM (1 year ago)
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I've just been diagnosed with a slight eardrum tear.. can you speak louder please sad
Must have been some concert, damn! Were you at Louder Than Life here? Hope it heals.
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Starts learning sign language to communicate with Laph.
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
would that not tear it more?? (not a doctor haha)
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
in italian we have only 3 signs: 🤏🤌👌
(1 year ago)
ksaint likes this
I know those, so we are good.
(1 year ago)
Thu, 21-Sep-23 12:59 PM (1 year ago)
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🎶 … O stare nudi in mezzo a un campo A sentirsi addosso il vento, Io non chiedo più di tanto, Anche se muoio son contento 🎶
EmuLater likes this
Do it, I have. smile
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Mon, 18-Sep-23 4:48 PM (1 year ago)
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NN should implement a "hug" button.. just saying.. smile
And the second...kick the Ass Button?
(1 year ago)
I don't need that either
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
SEB kicks ass anyway...
(1 year ago)
now I understand... u just press "time to go back to work, laphodil" so can get rid of me and steal everything!! smart move -.-
(1 year ago)
SexyEnglishBabe and EmuLater like this
Time to get some lunch before that gets stolen!
(1 year ago)
Sat, 2-Sep-23 6:02 PM (1 year ago)
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I hate so much AI generated images .. especially those representing nudes!! so grateful NN exists! smile
Fri, 18-Aug-23 10:30 PM (1 year ago)
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if u consider unnatural/immoral a love different from ur canons of "normality", I say it's unnatural/immoral that u spend so much time thinking about how other ppl decide to have sex or fall in love!
I can't disagree, Laph. So, do tell. wink
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Tue, 8-Aug-23 7:53 PM (1 year ago)
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still awkward when ppl who don't know me give a complete description of my personality from the zodiac sign.. and they don't get a single one laugh
Artistic likes this
wait no longer....you're a virgo, you love boobs, hugz, metal and beer!!"
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh and MrsTrellis like this
Sorry, injured, not killed.
(1 year ago)
*jumps on arti and give her all the love she deserve! *_*
(1 year ago)
Artistic and smitten4u like this
love feels all hot n dizzy
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh and smitten4u like this
Some, actually many traits of Virgos are totally me. It’s a bit odd. But don’t hug me. Unless we’re naked and you’re female. 😁
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Wed, 2-Aug-23 5:04 PM (1 year ago)
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to await a pleasure, is itself a pleasure.. that's why I'm always late when I have a love date laugh
Treasure your leisure and measure the pleasure.
(1 year ago)
ZippyMilf likes this
forsure
(1 year ago)
Emu - fantastic alliteration!
(1 year ago)
EmuLater likes this
Fri, 7-Jul-23 9:11 PM (1 year ago)
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they say the doing is often more important than the outcome .. I agree! especially when you fail the outcome laugh free time to perve at last
hi sweet and sexy Adele! I missed your cookies tongue
(1 year ago)
Too hot for cookies,I only make cakes In my air fryer
(1 year ago)
yeah... and African anticyclone is coming. News said next week we will reach 50°C (122F) ..
(1 year ago)
Jersey__Girl likes this
a few more years and the ovens won't be needed anymore XD
(1 year ago)
Where will it be 50C?
(1 year ago)
Fri, 19-May-23 2:28 PM (1 year ago)
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under the sea... under the sea... -.-
TaleTellerDK93 and Artistic like this
my immaginary ship is not even nearby.. I'm far from the coast
(1 year ago)
oh sure.. like austria is near the sea.. i'm dumb laugh
(1 year ago)
captain__82 likes this
2000m above sea level in a land locked county. Life is cruel
(1 year ago)
so you have the excuse to come to Italy and enjoy the sea smile not now.. now we are in a terrible mess sad
(1 year ago)
Italy's climate seems so variable. North and South so different. So sad that you have been hit by this dreadful flood...
(1 year ago)
Thu, 27-Apr-23 8:21 PM (1 year ago)
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I wrote "hi" she answered "I'm a very direct girl, I don't like to beat the bush around and I love direct guys" ..apparently greetings are too much to bear nowadays huh
yeah.. or I could transform into a dildo.. 100% more practical laugh
(1 year ago)
smitten4u likes this
Lap, I've been trying to transform for years, let me know when you figure out how
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
it would be an awesome superpower..
(1 year ago)
smitten4u likes this
Mr. Malt...that dildo you become could be shoved into somewhere you might not like...just saying...0-o
(1 year ago)
...... that's why I love status.. more brains work better than one. *archives the SuperDildo project
(1 year ago)
TopCat57 and ZippyMilf like this
Sun, 23-Apr-23 11:23 PM (1 year ago)
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if u went back in time to correct the biggest mistake of ur life.. u would transform into a completely different person. Love yourself and go on! also cause time travel is not possible laugh
Thu, 20-Apr-23 6:28 PM (1 year ago)
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I must say I'm grateful I don't belong to a species where the woman eats me after we have sex laugh
I would have to agree with the smitten, I would rather be the eater than the eatie
(1 year ago)
some like to be eaten first, some after bj
(1 year ago)
I might need to do a hunger strike lao lol I will be hungry after that
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh and smitten4u like this
well.. actually I like bites.. tender bites tho smile
(1 year ago)
Praying Mantis Anyone?
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Tue, 18-Apr-23 2:59 PM (1 year ago)
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..just found an "italian accent generator": el-lo I'm-a a nice italiano gooy, I'm-a single and look forrr a pasta (I wrote "woman" btw) laugh
don't get it.. how can you talk WITHOUT the hand thing? keeps your balance :laugh
(1 year ago)
I've been watching this post waiting for a comment about meatballs.......guess I'm getting impatient.....
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh, TopCat57 and smitten4u like this
That's-a some spicy meat-a-ball! (Yeah, showing my age tongue )
(1 year ago)
If a my granda mother had a wheels, she a woulda been a bike! (One for the Brits matey)
(1 year ago)
Mr_Vein and Laphroaigh like this
we need a VG pronto Laph
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Thu, 6-Apr-23 1:22 PM (1 year ago)
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sitting on the toilet while they're drilling directly above your head on the roof.. the noise so loud you're afraid the roof will collapse at any moment mellow
rhinostool and MissAshlee like this
they're drilling my intimacy laugh
(1 year ago)
Artistic and MissAshlee like this
That'd make ya shit!
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
*sends Laph his hockey helmet just in case
(1 year ago)
Agent_K and Laphroaigh like this
That’ll be the fastest poop ever
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
scared the sheet out of me O.o
(1 year ago)
smitten4u and ksaint like this
Wed, 5-Apr-23 6:45 PM (1 year ago)
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(matchbox 20 + maroon 5) * eve6 + (sum 41 - 9 inch nails) = blink 182.. hello pervs! laugh
But only if a 6 turned out to be 9.....
(1 year ago)
1983?...
(1 year ago)
LOVEXXXPORN likes this
Hhmmmm… I came up with OU812
(1 year ago)
smitten4u likes this
UB40, 43, ummmm bronze pasta shape number 56...0-o
(1 year ago)
smitten4u likes this
Hello sexy laphsmile
(1 year ago)
Sun, 2-Apr-23 7:52 PM (1 year ago)
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ate so much this weekend.. 2 days, 2 parties..I'm stuffed, would love a belly rub right now laugh
MissAshlee likes this
Fri, 31-Mar-23 10:28 PM (1 year ago)
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ok now tell me if you know a movie-couple more lovely than Pam and Jim (The Office).. yeah I'm watching it now for the first time. 4rd season, no spoiler
ksaint and GottaBeMe like this
Not a fan of the office, but it Pam is on my TV, it stays on til she goes 😍
(1 year ago)
her smile melt hearts *_* I'm loving the show, I'm a fan of silly jokes laugh
(1 year ago)
She's just sooooo pretty... 😍 I don't know what the US version is like, but the UK original was cringe TV, and I just find it difficult to watch.
(1 year ago)
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