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Wednesday, January 25, 2012, 9:54:42 PM- Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery...

Being a Star Wars fan (nerd, same thing!) and a fan(ish) of classic music I found this quote amusing!

Best to take a long look at the picture first then read the caption (although i'm sure i won't have to tell you lot to stare at a birds arse!)

Mark

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Wednesday, January 18, 2012, 9:48:00 PM- Better a thousandfold abuse of free speech than a denial of free speech ~ Charles Bradlaugh

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Most Recent Comment:	"Yup" - freekforpussy

Sunday, January 15, 2012, 8:23:46 PM- "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions" ~ Dalai Lama

Hi all

So a new year and for me a new start.

The past two years have been pretty rough. I know they could have been a shit load worse but for me they were tough goings. I've had on going problems with both my job and my love life. If it was one or the other then i would have been alright (i think!) but both at the same time and for so long was too much.

Anyways I went out for New Years with some mates and decided (to myself) to try and be more positive and more optimistic from now on.

The job situation isn't going to change so on that front i'm still desperate to get out but i know it's a question of when i'll find a new job and not if i'll be able to find a new job.

And with C. I still think about her and i'll always love her but she's married now and what chance there was of me and her is over and done with. Things could of gone differently but it's done now. There's not point dwelling on it as it's done and over with. I need to move on and if i find somebody new then, yeah great, but if not then i'm not going to worry or stress over it. I'm not overly looking at this time as i want to get a few things straight with me first.

So two weeks on and everything is going well. It's a very small step but it's a step in the right direction.

Biggest challenge will be tomorrow when i face my two biggest issues with my life at the moment. My Job and C.

Hoping things go well!

Mark

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Most Recent Comment:	"Good luck on the return to work....I know where you're at xx" - Lil_Bunz

Tuesday, December 27, 2011, 7:35:12 PM- Deliver hope...

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness"

~ Dalai Lama

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Monday, December 26, 2011, 7:01:09 PM- The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself...

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Most Recent Comment:	"this is so very nice" - purr_tato

Monday, December 26, 2011, 6:50:37 PM- The perfect gift for the ladies anytime of the year! :-D

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Saturday, December 24, 2011, 10:22:03 PM- Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected...

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Most Recent Comment:	"I has to say, only IF you allow it to, you have the choice to drown in your own lonlyness or RISE above it?" - Wodja

Sunday, December 18, 2011, 10:07:12 PM- And now for something completely different...

Good old fashioned British family humour, enjoy!

Tis but a scratch!

This clip contains no Aardvarks...

Richie and Eddie go camping. Richie forgets the food, Eddie has a packet of chocolate Hobnobs. He refuses to share them with Richie, hilarity ensues...

If you're wondering why Blackadder has a pair of pants on his head, he's pretending to be mad to get out of "going over the top"...WW1 speak for you!

So...anybody want any toast?

Some jokes are topical so they might not make any sense...

Not all of this went out on TV...surprisingly!

And to finish with a bit of Humour from the USA (also because i'm a massive nerd and i watched the third instalment this weekend!)

Mark

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Most Recent Comment:	"Mock the Week rocks :-)" - seshat

Friday, December 16, 2011, 7:40:18 AM- You can only come to the morning through the shadows...

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Most Recent Comment:	"hugs x" - Lil_Bunz

Wednesday, December 14, 2011, 6:50:53 PM- I'm not O-fucking-k (I promise)...

Hi all

Saw C today at work. Had an area meeting then went out for "Christmas meal".

I honestly didn't know what to expect and I go hardly any sleep last night. She seemed fine, which I kinda expected, but I had no idea what was going on inside. I know that in the past she has put a front on so it's hard to tell how she really is unless I talk to her, which is exactly what I didn't want to do.

I did get a hug off her and she said she missed me when she first saw me. I didn't say anything. She sat opposite me as well when she normally tries to get a seat next to me.

I didn't make eye contact and only spoke to her when we were discussing things that had happened at work. But when I did look at her she was laughing and joking with the guy sitting next to her. I felt so totally rejected but I knew it the jealousy that was getting to me. I can't expect her not to be herself, which is flirty and playful, just because of me so I tried to rationalize everything or try not to think about it at all.

I failed on both counts.

The meal afterwards was pretty much the same. I didn't sit near her and she was laughing and joking with the people around her.

I put a face on. Tried to be my usually self, telling jokes, being a clown, trying to make people laugh, trying to keep a smiling "everything is fine with me" face on. I felt like such a fake, I felt so alone and just wanted out. I didn't want to be there at all. Just seeing C ripped my heart to pieces and there was nothing I could do about it. There were a few moments where I just gritted my teeth, just trying not to cry or well up.

We did have a bit of chat after the meal. She said I was being quite and I didn't really say anything. I got another long hard hug off her. They are double edged swords, I love the hugs but they also scar me.

She and another person from work are trying to get me to go out with them and some colleagues from another area this Friday. I really don't want to go. I don't want to spend time with C and I don't want to get drunk with her.

I'm trying to put distance between me and her. Putting my walls back up. Trying not to cry every day. I'm still in love with her, even though I keep telling myself its over and me and her will never be together but I'm tearing myself to pieces trying to keep her at arm's length.

I'm sick of this being dragged out for as long as it has been. I'm sick of hurting. I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of everything.

I just want out, I want an end...

Mark

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Most Recent Comment:	"Ohh hon...am crying with you...huge hugs xx" - Lil_Bunz

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