Hi all

Things have taken a turn for the worse just after everything seemed to be turning around.

The job for one. Things were starting to slightly improve but that didn't last long and now things are worse. I'm now borderline desperate to get out, I’m even considering taking a job in a supermarket stacking shelves just to get out. It is that bad.

The one thing that has had the biggest impact recently is C. As with the job things had gotten better. We were going back to being fiends even though I’m still in love with her but the past few days have seen all that go to rat-shit.

I just can't take it, C with another guy, I’ve tried but I can't. And now I feel the only option is to get away from her. I don't want to but it hurts too much. It's been hurting for a long time. Only problem is I work with her so it's not like I just stop seeing or talking to her cold turkey.

She claims she still loves me, even though she's with another guy, she claims she still cares about me and that I'm a very important person in her life. But I’m having real doubt about any of that. She's all too aware about her boyfriend’s feelings but there are things she says and does that really hurt me. Whether she's aware of this I don't know, but to me they seem like pretty obvious things.
And I’ve waited for her, waited for something to happen between her and her boyfriend, waited for her to leave him and get with me. Waited about 8 months and still nothing has changed. She knows how I feel and I think that is she honestly felt the same she would have left him by now. And she hasn't.

I wish now more than ever I could turn off my feelings. I wish I could stop being in love with her but no matter how hard I try I can't. It's so difficult and I’ve got no help.

I'm deciding now that once this is over, I’m not ever going through all this again. I can't keep falling in love with people who do nothing but hurt me. I've spent most of my life alone so I might as well keep it that way.

Mark

Hi all

Well it's been a few months since i last had sex of any kind and to i'm starting to get a little bit desperate!

I'm not stranger to going months (or even years!) without sex but for some reason i'm absolutely gagging for it! Having a high sex drive and being single is a bit of curse.

I'm a little stuck as to what to do but i don't think there is a lot i can. It's not like i can just walk into town pick some random bird up and take her home for a session. And watching porn while having a wank got very old a few years back...still doesn't stop me from doing it though, lol!

So i'm sat here, very horny, very alone and hating every second of it...

Mark

Hi all

I've had to put a few things on hold. First was getting a house, which is something i've been after ever since i left uni roughly 5 years ago. However do to poor wages and being single it's something that i've always struggled with.

Second was holiday. Haven't had one for 2 year. Mainly cause i haven't wanted to go abroad by myself. But i really want to go to Venice and seeing as i'll have a lot of money outgoing once i get a house by myself i thought it would be best to go while i can afford it rather than while i'm paying off loads of household bills, etc.

But like i said them two things are on hold now. Why? My job.

I haven't really liked my job but it isn't that difficult. The main problem was the volume of work i had to do. Something i've been pointing out to my line manager since the beginning of the year and fuck all been has been done to help me. Instead when he visits the site i work on he constantly picks faults and criticizes everything i'm doing. The work is increasing, he is becoming more criticize and i'm badly struggling just to keep my head above water.

So i've got a complete dick of a manager and the site i actually work on don't like me very much either, due to the new IT procedures that were brought in when i go promoted to this job last November.

I can't talk or negotiate anything with my line manager, nobody on site is willing to talk to me about anything anymore so the only option i have left is to look for another job. This could mean a change in salary (for better or worse) which i don't want to happen while i've got a house. Also I like to live as close as possible to where i work so i don't want to buy a house here then get a job down in london.

So I'm stuck here for a while longer until this shit gets sorted. And with the current job market, unless i start stacking shelves in Sainsbury's (which i'm actually thinking about doing just to get out) then getting another wel paid job might take some time.

If i need a break, it's now...

Mark

Hi all

I had the first week in August off from work. The week before was very rough and I was almost ready to throw everything in and just stay in bed all day, every day. I didn't want to face the world and I was wishing I would just drop off the face of the planet.

To help get my mind off things a friend, L, had invited me to her house party up north(ish!) for the Saturday night. I got up there early, around 3ish, cause I hadn't seen her for a long time and I wanted to chill out for a while before the part started. Turning up a few hours early I got a very big tight hug and we chatted about anything and everything. We only briefing talked about my and C. In fact we spent more time talking about her splitting from her boyfriend of 8 years than what had gone on between me and C. L knows C as well and I think it was more a case of her trying to be supportive of me without actually taking sides.

While I was there it turned out that most of her friends she had invited were dropping out at the last minute so she suggested we go into town, have a few drinks then, if enough people were turning up, go back to hers and continue drinking there.

While we were out it was turning out that none of her mates were actually going to turn up so I texted a mate as he lived in the same town. Near the end of the night me and L meet up with my mates and we spent the rest of the night out in town.

While we were out my mate was trying to convince me that L fancied me! I tried to brush it off but he was making a good case. Also when I first met L she did say to me, if she was single, she would go out with me. While it was a nice thing to hear I didn't buy at the time and I don't buy it now.

I didn't want to think about that sort of thing anyways. I just wanted to go out, have a good time, catch up with friends I hadn't seen for a while and forget about C.

At the end of the night I went back to L's house and we had a bit of chat before going to separate beds.

Sunday morning we both talked for a while, mainly about C and her boyfriend and what had gone on with all three of us over the past few weeks. We didn't really do much apart from watch my mate play footy and then go round to one of her mates for a few hours. We ended up back and at hers and I didn't actually leave until about 8, getting another big long tight hug from L before I left.

For the rest of the week I was in a pretty good mood. I had loved the weekend and seeing my mates. For the first time in a long time I hadn't thought about C at all. Before I went on leave she had said she would give me some space for a while so I wasn't getting any e-mails, texts or phone calls from her like I normally did.

But for some reason, near the end of the week I started to feel a bit shit. I couldn't place my finger on it but I just felt down.

But my mind was taken off C again as I had booked an appointment to have my eyes lasered on the Saturday. I had been wearing glasses and contacts since I was 9 years old and the contacts (which I more on a regular basis for the last 10/11 years). I was a, weird, experience but a week after the op things are going well. My eyesight isn't perfect yet but it can take somewhere between 2-4 weeks to properly heal. My eyes are still sporting a few blood patches from where they cut the flap in my eye!

Anyways I went back to work last week and C was on holiday with her boyfriend in Paris. I didn't really think about C that much either cause work was once again kicking my ass and reminding me why I had taken two week off in the space of 5 weeks.

So for two weeks I hadn't really thought about C and I was feeling miles better about that side of my life.

But I’ve had a bit of relapse. I had to talk to C to tell her a few things that had been going on at work, as I was covering while she was off as she covered me while I was off. We haven't really talked properly like we have done in the past but the feelings and thoughts I had when I was at my worst are slowly creeping back into my head. They're not as hurtful as they were first time around but they are still unpleasant. I’m now wondering how I will react and feel the next time we have a proper conversation.

So I’m not looking forward to talking to C but I know it will happen and I know she still wants me to be a “best friend” to her. And I don’t want to be more of a knob head than I feel like I’ve already been to her.

Mark

Something i wrote to somebody, hope you enjoy



We'd both come in to our hotel room after a few drinks and flirting with each other in the hotel bar.

I'd let you go into the room first, having a quick feel of your ass as you enter the room. As i close the door i'd grab your hips and pull you towards me until your sexy ass is pressed firmly against me. You'd be able to feel how hard i am as your ass cheeks press firmly agasint my hard cock.

I'd start kissing you, from your mouth down your neck and back up to your ear, while my hands slide in and down your body, exploring every inch of you. Sliding up and feeling your tits, caressing and squeezing them before getting my hands under your top so i can play with your nipples. My other hand sliding down your stomach and your leg before sliding to the inside of your thigh and working it's way back up under your skirt to your pussy. At first gently rubbing you through your thing before pulling it to one side so i rub your pussy and clit. Eventually sliding a finger or two inside you, feeling how wet you are. Rubbing my hips against you so you can feel my hard cock press against your ass.

Whispering dirty thoughts into your ear while i'm doing all of this. Telling you how hard my cock is for you, how i'm going to work it deep into your wet pussy and then into your sexy tight little ass. I'm going to fuck you until you scream and beg for more and then i'm going to fuck you even harder.

I start to take your cloths off then when you're naked you turn around and get on your knees, undoing my jeans while you do so while i take off my shirt. You pull them down and then my boxers, my cock springing out, throbbing hard. You slowly lick and kiss the tip of my cock and do the same down the shaft to my balls. After licking and sucking my balls you lick your way back up my cock to the tip and slowly run your tongue around my swollen cockhead before sliding your mouth over it. I groan as you start to suck my cock, slowly working your way down until it's all in your mouth and down your throat. You look up as me as you start to work your mouth back and forth along it. I'd let you suck on it for a while before grabbing your head and using my hips to fuck your warm hot mouth, my balls slapping against your chin. Mmmmmm fuck yeah baby, i'd be enjoying this so much.

I'd pull my cock out of your mouth and pick you up, putting you on your back on the bed. I'd get on my kness between your legs and pull you to the end of the bed. I'd wrap my arms around your legs so they on resting on my shoulders and my hands are holding your thighs. I'd start to lick your pussy, flicking it with the tip of my tongue at first, but with each lick using more of my tongue and pressing down harder until all of my tongue is pressing firmly against your pussy and i'm licking it from top to bottom. I'd start to finger your clit as i lick you, stroking and rubbing it as i slide my tongue into you and start to work it back and forth in your pussy. Holding you while your body shudders feeling your hands grab my head and pull me hard onto your pussy. Sliding my tongue from the pussy to your clit, licking and sucking on it before sliding my tongue back into you.

I'd keep doing this until you begged me to fuck you.

I'd stand up and push you further onto the bed so i could climb on. You'd spread those sexy legs of yours as i move close, resting my cock on your pussy, teasing you by rubbing my hard cock shaft between your pussy lips and rubbing the tip of my cock against you.

I'd put your legs over my shoulder as i start to press my cock against your soaking wet pussy, then watch the expression on your face as the helmet slides in and i work every inch of my hard cock deep into your tight wet hole, once i'm all in and my balls are pressed up firmly against you i'd hold it there for a few seconds before i start to work my hips back and forth. Feeling your wet hot pussy around my hard throbbing cock as it slides back and forth in you.

I'd start to kiss your neck and work my way down to your tits, licking and sucking on your nipples while i fuck you. Getting faster and harder, my balls and hips slapping against you with each thrust, you moaning and your hands scratching my back and my ass. Pulling me against you as i go harder and deeper. Fucking you until you cum hard and scream for more.

I tell you to get on all fours and as i pull out and you start to do so i tell you to suck your juices off on my cock. As you take my pussy juice covered cock into your mouth and suck on it frantically i finger your wet pussy and use the juices to tease your ass. Running my finger around your asshole at first before rubbing my finger against your hole without sliding them in.

I then move in behind you and slide all of my cock into your wet pussy in one go, making you take all of it in one swift motion, then i grab your hips and start to fuck you deep and hard. Pulling you onto my thrusting cock, fucking you deep and hard. My hand wondering to your tits so a squeeze and to play with your nipples, then sliding down your body to your clit for a rub while my hard cock fucks you. As i'm rubbing your clit i'd take a hold of your hair and pull your head back. I'd tell you how good your pussy feels around my cock and how i love fucking you. I'd tell you how hard you're making me and how i'm going to work all of my big hard cock into your tight little ass and fuck that like i'm fucking your pussy right now.

I'd keep pounding your pussy a little longer, waiting for you to beg me to fuck your ass.

I'd pull my cock out of you, it and my balls soaked in your juices. I'd slap my cock against your ass and pulling your ass cheeks apart so i can see your tight little hole, i'd slap my cock against it and rub my helmet and shaft against it.

With one hand grabbing your hip and the other guiding my cock i'd start to firmly press it against your asshole until it opened up and my cock slid in. I'd grab both your hips and start to work my hard cock deep into your tight ass. I'd keep going until all of my hard cock was in your ass, slowly working my cock back and forth in your tight ass, picking up the pace a little with each thrust. Telling you to turn around and look at me as i fuck your ass, and when you do asking you if you like my cock in your ass? If you like me fucking your tight hole? Mmmm i wish you could see my cock slide back and forth in your ass baby, looks so hot seeing that sexy ass take my hard cock.

I'd be fucking your ass deep and hard like i had done you pussy, watching and listening to you moan and ask for more. I'd keep fucking you until you came hard and i'd keep fucking you harder and deeper.

I'd tell you when i'm close to cumming and i'd tell you i want you to take my load in your mouth. I'd pull out fo your ass and you'd slide off the bed onto your knees, quickly taking my cock in your mouth and sucking on it. I'd grab your head and fuck your mouth until i'm close to cumming. I'd tell you to open your mouth and stick you tongue out. While still holding your head i'd stroke my cock and as i'm about to cum i'd place my cock on your tongue and shoot a nice big warm load into your open mouth.

After i've emptied my balls you'd hold my cum in your mouth so i can see then swallow it all. Taking my cock back into your mouth you'd suck me until my cock is clean, empty of cum and ready for seconds! icon_wink.gif

Hope you enjoyed

Mark

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj6MjMpbneM[/url]



I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again I pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what I was tryin to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But i'm doin it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and i'm alone
Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, livin with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken

What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what I was tryin to do

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
And never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what I was tryin to do

Hi all

I'm both very annoyed and in a great deal of pain at the moment. It feels like nobody understands what I’m going through. And I end up feeling like a bastard when I try to explain myself.

After spending the whole day crying my eyes out everybody is turning around and saying "things will get better". Well from I'm standing they won't. From my experiences. They won't. Taking what's happened to me over the last 10 years. They won't.

My last girlfriend was 10 years ago and we split because she cheated on me. Since then I’ve been alone. I've been hurt a few times but not since my last girlfriend has me heart been truly broken. I've been fucked over plenty of times and frankly I’m getting a little fed-up of being an emotional Piñata and ending up on my todd.

When things went pear shaped with my last girlfriend all my friends were saying "it will get better" and they didn't. I don't see why this will be any different.

C was the most special and important person to come into my life for 10 years. In her, I saw somebody who truly loved me, somebody who truly cared. She made me feel special, she made me feel loved.....and I fucked up. I made mistakes and now its cost me more than any other mistake I’ve made in my whole life.

C even turned round to me and said things will get better. She is sorted. She is with somebody. For her things will get better. C gets to go home to her boyfriend every day. She gets to go home and be with somebody who loves her to bits and is grateful he has her. I don't have any of that and I’ve only got myself to blame.

Now I’m expected to move on and be happy. Put on a brave face and get on with life. Well I’m sick of doing that. I've done that more than enough times and I’m tired of waiting for things to go my way. I know I’m being selfish but why shouldn't I be? Out of all my friends I’m now the only single one.

I try to be nice guy and a good man, I know I fall short more often than not but things never work out for me relationship wise.

I'm hurting and I’m angry. I don't know how long I can keep things together by myself and I’ve got nobody to talk to or confide in.

I'm really, honestly and truly fed-up and at the end of my rope. I don't see why I should keep on holding on any more...

Mark

Well, it's finally over. After once again pouring my heart and soul out last she finally rejected me.

I'm well and truly broken. I spent most of last night crying. It hurts so much and I can't see myself getting better any time soon.

She still wants to be friends but I don't think that's possible.

So I've now got to walk away. It's something I desperately don't want to do but I must.

I'd give anything to be with her but I’ve fucked up one too many times and now that will never happen.

I wish so much that I could go back and change things. It’s my fault and I hate myself for it.

Once again I’m left alone with a broken heart and I don't know how much more I can take.

Hi all

Well it's all falling to pieces. I gave the letter I wrote to C yesterday and I was hoping she would take it home and read it alone, instead she read it there and then.

It wasn't until an hour or so later that she started asking me why I wrote it and what I hoped to gain from it. It wasn't the response I was hoping for. I had to tell her point blank that I loved and I wanted to be with her. I want her to leave her current boyfriend and be with me. Her response was to say I only want her because I can't have her. Again the response I didn't want to hear. I had to repeat myself several times but I didn't see any changes in her.

I had yet another restless night thinking about her. Got about 4/5 hours and even having a big glass of whiskey before I went to bed didn't help.

I saw her today and just tried to act as normal, just trying to be a friend but after work she said I was acting awkward. I said I didn't understand and she said I was acting as if I didn't know what to do. I replied that's because I don't. She said if I had any questions. I reeled off a few such as does she hate, dislike me, does she want me to go away, etc. All of which were a no, which was (finally) the type of response I wanted!

But the next part of the conversation has me very worried.

I asked her if she still loved me. She said she didn't want to answer that question. I said is it because the answer is no. She replied that it wasn't that. I didn't get much else out of her but before we parted ways she did say "look after yourself". She also said that “I’ll get over it”

Those words, along with the refusal to answer my last question, are playing on my mind. I've texted her asking the question again and saying I really need to know but I’m expecting the worst. If she replies at all.

I've already spent a good 5/10 minutes crying my eyes out when I got home but I’ve got a bad feeling I’ll be doing more of the same at some stage.

Mark

Hi all

Well I spent most of yesterday evening and night, plus a bit of this morning writing a letter to C.

I can't keep any of my feelings from her any more and she keeps on saying she wants honesty more than anything so I've written down what I've been thinking and feeling about her.

It's about 6 pages long and hand written. I haven't hand written a letter for over 10 years! Looking at it now, I'm not 100% sure I'll give it to her. I am seeing her today and tomorrow for work reasons but with everything else I have my doubts.

Although I need to give it to her, otherwise I think I'll go insane!

Wish me luck...

Mark