The people in the Gulf coast area are freaking out over 8 to 10 inches of snow.

We here in Indiana had 11 inches of snow over 4 days.

Plus,

the temperature has been in the low single digits in the daytime and below zero at night.

Being used to snow in the winter,

our streets have been plowed and are now bone dry of snow.

My only problem has been, since my car is parked outdoors and not in a garage,

making sure my car will start.

The people down south should relish the snow because you might not see it again for many years.

I'll take a lot of snow over frigid temperatures any day.

~

I see where snow is in the deep south (including northern Florida) and there's a blizzard warning for Louisiana.

All of my friends who moved south for warmer weather are not bragging now.

~

Making a woman happy is very difficult.

It's like trying to figure out what color the number seven smells like.

~

Remember...

Life is a journey,

not a competition.

~

Last night I dreamed I was standing naked outside and freezing.

When I woke up,

I was standing naked in front of my open refrigerator.

~

You hold on to something for a long time.

Your thinking is that one day you will need it.

Years go by and still you hold onto it.

So finally one day you figure it's time to let it go.

Almost never fails...

That's when you finally need it.

~

I am not totally useless.

I can be used as a bad example.

~

A man walks into a pub and declares that, with his eyes closed,

he can tell by touching an animal pelt what the animal was

and what was used to kill it.

First pelt was brought to him.

He felt the fur and found a hole.

"This was a leopard killed with a rifle," he declared.

He was right.

The patrons bought him a pint.

Next, he felt the hide and stated

" A boar, killed with an arrow."

The locals bought him another pint.

This went on for a while, and, getting quite pissed,

decided to go home, where he passed out in bed.

The next morning, he awakens in pain.

Feeling his face, he tells his wife

"I've got a black eye, I must have gotten into a fight at the pub last night."

"I gave you that black eye," she tells him.

"You got into bed, put your hand down my knickers and said

"A skunk and a hatchet."

"That's when I socked you."

~

God made man from the dust of the earth,

and woman from the man's rib.

So...

man is dirt and woman is prime rib.

~

When you're missing your significant other,

people can tell because your farts sound like Honda.

Why do they sound like Honda?

Because absence makes the fart sound Honda.

~