A man goes to the market and wants to buy a rooster.

The man there tells him he doesn't want a rooster,

he wants a cockerel.

He said it costs a bit more but you'll like it better.

The man says o.k. and moves on.

He tells the next man he wants to buy a hen.

That man says he doesn't want a hen,

he wants a pullet.

He says they're a better buy in the long run,

even if they cost a bit more.

The man says o.k. and moves on.

The man tells the next guy he wants to buy a donkey.

The guy tells him he doesn't want a donkey,

he wants an ass.

Costs a bit more,

but a donkey will stop in the street and not move,

while an ass will stop, too,

but if you scratch his ass he'll move on.

The man says o.k

So the man takes his cockerel, pullet and ass and heads for home.

Sure enough,

the ass stops in the middle of the street.

A woman walking buy asks the man if she can help him.

The man tells her yes, she can.

Will you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?

~

I sat in the hairstylist's chair and said:

"Make me look sexy."

She started drinking.

~

It's National Bean Day here in the U.S.A. today.

Beans on toast to celebrate.

~

Yesterday I heard a man complain about spending $3.25 a gallon for gas,

while he stood in line to pay $5.00 for a cup of coffee.

~

What would happen if a piano fell on you?

You'd b flat.

~

I survived the Blizzard of '78,

with no power or heat for three days.

I survived the Ice storm of January '05,

with no power or heat for 6 1/2 days.

I survived the Covid Pandemic of '20-'22,

watching friends, family and loved ones die.

What's next?

~

A vicar gets a new set of teeth.

The first Sunday he talks for 8 minutes.

The next Sunday he talks for 10 minutes.

The third Sunday he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes,

until the congregation literally takes him down from the podium.

Asking him why he was talking so much, he said:

"The first Sunday my gums hurt so much I couldn't talk more than 8 minutes.

The second Sunday my gums hurt so much I couldn't talk for more than 10 minutes.

The 3rd Sunday I put in my wife's teeth by mistake and I can't stop talking."

~

I am baking cornbread for my first meal of the new year.

Ham, black-eye peas and sauerkraut.

My family came from the south and this meal is supposed to bring good luck for the coming year.

Happy New Year to y'all!

~

Now that I'm a senior citizen,

I realize that 'Grumpy Old Men' is not a movie...

It's a training film.

~

At midnight on Dec. 31st,

raise your left leg.

You will then be starting the new year on the right foot.

~