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Page 32 of 35

Thursday, December 27, 2012, 7:21:32 PM- Just Saying

No matter how much you prepare, you will ALWAYS be shocked at how cold the toilet seat is in the winter!

Viewers Comments (3):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"Not as cold as when you forget to put it down and fall in. I hate that!" - chargingram

Monday, December 24, 2012, 6:31:14 PM-

An old farmer wrote to his son in prison: “this year I wont be able to plant potatoes because I cant dig the field.
I know if you were here you would help me”

The son wrote back:”Dad don’t even think of digging the field
because that’s where I buried the money I stole”

Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug by police looking for the money but nothing was found.

The next day the son wrote again: “ Now plant your potatoes
dad; it’s the best I can do from here

Viewers Comments (1):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"an oldie but a goodie." - tight_wet_lips

Monday, December 24, 2012, 2:33:51 PM- After Christmas

Broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of meth addicts!

Viewers Comments (2):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"lol....Merry Christmas!" - tight_wet_lips

Monday, December 24, 2012, 2:40:43 AM-

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to.get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

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Most Recent Comment:	"ahhh thats funny!" - gpflem

Saturday, December 22, 2012, 2:59:15 PM-

After 2 hrs in handcuffs and questioning

Apparently it's frowned upon to walk into a bank shouting
"It's my money and I want it now!"

Thanks a lot J.G. Wentworth!

Viewers Comments (2):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"wow - who knew? - thanks for letting me know" - gpflem

Friday, December 21, 2012, 4:48:19 PM- CUDDLING

It's all sweet and innocent
Till someone gets an erection

Viewers Comments (4):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"Wise words" - gpflem

Friday, December 21, 2012, 2:49:11 AM-

Boy: Marry me?
Girl: Do you have a house?
Boy: No..
Girl: Do you have a BMW car?
Boy: No..
Girl: How much is your salary?
Boy: No salary.. but.
Girl: No but. You have nothing. How can I marry you? Just leave me, please!!
Boy: I have one villa, 3 property lands, 3 Ferraris, 2 Porsches.. Why do I still need to buy BMW?! How can I get salary when actually I am the BOSS?
Girl: :O wanna get married?
Boy: NO BITCH

Viewers Comments (1):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"lol. too funny and too true!" - tight_wet_lips

Thursday, December 20, 2012, 1:11:16 PM-

92% Of Americans say " oh shit" before going into a ditch.. the other 8% are from Texas and we say "hold my beer and watch this shit"!

Viewers Comments (2):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"hehehe...I usually say "Bet that cops Dodge Charger can't do this...."" - happyhumper69

Tuesday, December 18, 2012, 1:23:08 PM-

Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution, b*tches be trippin...

For all those people who say labor pain is the worst pain of life, you've obviously never stepped on a Lego in the dark.

Two guys in a bar, one guy say to the other, "I shagged your mother last night!", to which the other guy replies, " Go home Dad, your shitfaced!"

If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say "in Jesus name amen"

Viewers Comments (3):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"lol..........all good.......so very good. As for the leggo?...umm...unless that leggo is about 7 pounds and comes out one of your holes, you will never know the pain during labor......hahahaha.. " - tight_wet_lips

Tuesday, December 18, 2012, 3:57:51 AM-

When ever a bird craps on my car
I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my porch
Just so they know what im capable of

Viewers Comments (2):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"lmao!" - tight_wet_lips