If you could relay one message to your 18 year old self, what would it be?

?

A few years ago, I tried a dating site. Met some local women and did some online chatting.

One of the women stood out a little more than the others and we were getting ready to meet.

BUT

When she asked me to pick her up a '40' and a pack of menthols on my way over, I declined and then deleted my account from the site.

Luckily I know what she looks like in case I ever see her around town.

It was my second unagreeable experience in the web dating scene and I am now retired from trying.

As the Rolling Stones sang it:

"I can't get no satisfaction, I can't get no girly action."

And I'm o.k. with that.

~

A neighbor across the street put a child's car seat and a grass trimmer out by the road. Sign could be read across the street:

FREE

Many young couples walked by, some with children and looked, but no one took the seat.

A young man with tattoos and a knit hat, smoking a cigarette walked up and immediately picked up the trimmer. No problem with that... I figure the trimmer will be put to use.

BUT

Why did he have to kick the child seat?

"It's so nice to be insane, no one asks you to explain." From 'Angie Baby' by Helen Reddy.

I have always been attracted to Latin women. I had a 'friends with benefits' relationship with a hot lady years ago. Too bad she moved away.

There's just something about their dark hair and brown skin that drives me wild in bed.

I love their culture and their music. To this day, the only language I know more than a few words of is Spanish and I sometimes kick myself for not taking the class in school at age 14.

I probably should have moved to California years ago when my sister did. I might be a happier man today.

~

... could someone make so much money for coming up with the idea of putting cardboard people in all of those empty seats at sporting events.

~

People complain about being in quarantine.

In February of '05, we had a major ice storm here that knocked out electricity city wide. My place is total electric, so I had no lights and no heat for 6 1/2 days. By the time I could borrow a kerosene heater from a friend (you couldn't buy one in a 3 county area - all sold out) it was down to 47 degrees inside.

I read by oil lamplight, had flannel sheets on my bed and heated up water on top of the heater for coffee & washing up. I kept food in a cooler. The beer stayed cold... I just put it outside.

Anyone who has been camping knows I (under the conditions) had it pretty good and I made it without complaining.

Anyone who complains to me about being in quarantine when they have all of the comforts of home I just ask them:

"You want a little cheese with that whine?"

~

Saw an old episode of Cheers.

It made me think...

if you go to a bar where everybody knows your name, you might be an alcoholic.

You wear a ball cap and a mask, so unless you have your name on your clothes or someone knows your eyes, you are anonymous.

I took advantage of it today while in the grocery:

A college age girl (she was wearing a logo of our local college, so I'm assuming), bra-less under a tank top, walked down the aisle towards me. I stared all the way and she looked at me and smiled as she passed.

A 30-something woman wearing a short skirt bent over in front of me and I stood there a moment, admiring her thong underwear.

A hot, middle aged woman who was rather well endowed walked past me and I stared down her top. She smiled bigger than the college-aged girl.

This pandemic has it's advantages and I am taking full advantage of the situation.

These things make an old guy smile with delight... not that anyone can tell.

Another plus!

1. I had a dream last night about being in a bar where everyone wanted to fight. For years in my hometown, you could go to two places if you wanted to fight: Bars on the south side of town, where white boys, whose families had moved here from Kentucky & Tennessee for factory jobs, loved their whiskey and southern rock would congregate, or college bars, where college boys hopped up on cheap beer & cheap shots would puff up their egos. Sometimes south end boys would make the drive across town to get liquored up and tell those college boys they weren't better than them. About every Friday & Saturday night.

This has pretty much disappeared because: 1. People can no longer smoke in bars, which caused several small bars to close because no one wanted to stand around outside in the winter to smoke, and 2. The Coronavirus has made everyone have to drink outdoors.

2. It is damn near impossible to have sex in any position if you have vertigo... unless your partner is willing to have you throw up on them, which some people might like.

~