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Friday, August 28, 2015, 1:16:58 PM- before Facebook and Twitter

Who remembers back in the day before Facebook and Twitter when you used to take a photo of your dinner,
go in to town and get it developed,
then go around to all of your friends house's to show them what you had?

Me neither.

Fucking stop it!


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Monday, August 24, 2015, 7:14:44 PM- Phone Etiquette
Phone Etiquette
After a tiring day,
a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station,
a woman sitting next to him pulled out her mobile phone.
She started talking in a loud voice:
"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty,
but I had a long meeting.
No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office.
It was with the boss.
No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life.
Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.
When the man sitting next to her had enough,
he leaned over and said into the phone,
"Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Sue doesn't use her mobile phone in public any longer.
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Friday, August 21, 2015, 1:39:56 PM- 10 Ways to tell if a Redneck has been working on a Computer
10 Ways to tell if a Redneck has been working on a Computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".
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Most Recent Comment:
"My computer is on blocks, seriously. The cooling fan is dying. LOL"
- amancalledpony


Monday, August 17, 2015, 3:54:43 PM- Spaghetti boa.t
My wife didn't believe me when I said I could make a boat out of spaghetti...
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You should've seen her face when I sailed straight pasta!
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Saturday, August 15, 2015, 2:16:16 PM- nudist convention
There's a nudist convention going on in my town next week.




I might go if I have nothing on!
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Most Recent Comment:
"You can look in your closet and honestly say "I don't have a thing to wear" :P"
- justcuz


Tuesday, August 11, 2015, 2:14:23 PM- Was watching the film
Was watching the film,

'A Perfect Murder,' with my wife,

and she told me she was getting scared.

"Is it the story line?" I said.

"Not really," she replied.

"Stop taking notes."
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Friday, August 07, 2015, 9:45:54 PM- plastic surgery
Me and the wife were sat watching a documentary about plastic surgery earlier..

"Oo, I'd love a bit of that." She said, dreamily.

"It'd be great to step out with a different shaped nose."

So I've swapped the doormat for a rake.
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Most Recent Comment:
"Let me know how that works out. Lol"
- Be4andAfter


Monday, August 03, 2015, 6:56:23 PM- I was sat on a public toilet
I was sat on a public toilet when a man put his penis through the glory hole in my cubicle.

"Nice knob," I laughed.

"Thanks," said the man,

"Can you make him happy for me?"

So I pulled out a pen and drew a smiley face on it
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Most Recent Comment:
"Lol too funny. I just envisioned it in my head . Lol beard in it too in my vision hehe"
- kimberly_1229


Wednesday, July 29, 2015, 9:11:39 AM- A wife went in to see a therapist
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes,
he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said,
"that's completely natural.
I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained,
"it wakes me up!"
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Wednesday, July 22, 2015, 12:10:56 PM- I had sex last night, did you?
Two women are chatting in an office.
Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?"
Woman 2: "Yes."
Woman 1: "Was it good?"
Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?"
Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!"
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?"
Husband 2: "Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?"
Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home,there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't climax for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!"
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Most Recent Comment:
"that is the way life is some times it hot and some times its not"
- cumonmesweetpuss


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