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|Friday, November 11, 2016, 9:54:29 AM- Ha ha ha|
An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag.
sorry I just had to with this one ;)
|Tuesday, October 18, 2016, 2:18:31 AM- For those of you in the US of A .....|
that have a sense of humour :)
I just had to share this. It is coming from a British point of view but as the Aussies and Brits are very similar or the same as in wording and how we spell things I thought this was worth sharing :)
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British ( and Aussie) sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar or Tomato sauce.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter and Aussie beers will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There only two kinds of proper football; you call it soccer and the game we know as Aussie rules. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
|Tuesday, October 11, 2016, 6:01:56 AM- New day|
Its been a while since I have blogged a photo of any sort. So, I thought that with what life has coming up for me that this one has some sort of meaning for me. The sun rising to begin a new day, just like after this weekend and the one after that hopefully a new beginning can be around the corner for myself also. I have not so much been dwelling on the past few years but often finding myself asking the same question over and over again, why did it have to happen to me, I wasnt ready for this. I didnt expect this to happen for a long time to come yet, why did someone think it was time to end ones life ? You were supposed to be here for this time in my life. I remember the day you said I was half way, now I will soon be at that time and your not here when you should have been! I just wish you were here with me.
The sun rising over the calm ocean signalling the beginning of a new day.
So peaceful to sit and watch the small gentle waves of the ocean softly break on the sandy beach.
Oh and one last thing, to all my haters, I am not after the attention you all say I crave for ( but its ok for you to look for it yourselves), I am just expressing how I am feeling right now which is what so many of you do.
And if you dont like what I have to say then fuck off and dont read my blog :)
That is all for now :D
|Tuesday, October 11, 2016, 12:54:52 AM- Friends...|
How well do you really know someone? have you told someone to much and not so much regretted telling them, but now wish you hadn't told certain things?
Ah shit, I have lost my train of reasoning for this blog so will remove what I have typed until I can think straight again and replace it with what I am actually trying to say .......
But I will say this, before you judge a person, before you even think you know a person just be mindful that you dont know the person at all and there might just be somethings that are deeply hidden from sight, thoughts that you dont know about, and feelings you have no idea on.
I dont even know if this makes any sense to be honest.....
ciao for now
|Friday, July 15, 2016, 9:43:59 AM- Ha ha|
no words need to be said :D
Enjoy your friday :)
|Tuesday, March 22, 2016, 12:41:27 PM- yup....drunken sods|
it may only be 17% in the bottle but it potent stuff lol
as these animals show :)
not the video I wanted but still funny :)
I think so anyway even if you dont :p
|Sunday, March 20, 2016, 7:12:22 AM- try again ...|
I get knocked down ....
vodka drink will fix it :)
|Monday, February 22, 2016, 6:12:40 AM- Anyone here relate to this ...|
Can anyone here relate to this? I am sure there would be a few :)
Happy monday pervin people :)
|Sunday, November 8, 2015, 1:13:33 AM- words ....|
Fuck I hate sitting at home alone all the time......makes me think to much ....
I try to join in but I just get ignored for what ever reason it is.....maybe cause some cant handle the truth when I say it. some dont accept my apologies because they must think they are above everyone else, or just above me, maybe because I dont comment on your pics and tell you how lovely or sexy or beautiful you or your GF/wife is. But ya know what, that isnt me. I have never been one to express myself in words. I wasnt bought up with someone telling me they loved me all the time. I wasnt given the affection that everyone else gets or got. I dont know how to say those words but when I do...I mean it
So if I do tell you special words then you are one of the lucky ones. dont push me away because it will hurt me more than you think.
Well, you know what, I dont care anymore, you either take me as the person I am in what I say or do and if you don't like what I say then tough, maybe the truth does hurt you more than you let one to others.
and now I have made no sense but I am sure some will decipher what I have just ranted and raved on about.
|Thursday, October 15, 2015, 6:22:05 AM- :(|
My eyes are hurting from tears and a lack of sleep.
2 yrs today you left us behind....
Missing you lots
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