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Viewing Member - flitterbee



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Friday, November 11, 2016, 9:54:29 AM- Ha ha ha

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag.

;)

sorry I just had to with this one ;)
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"bahahahah!!"
- Shyguy1976


Tuesday, October 18, 2016, 2:18:31 AM- For those of you in the US of A .....


that have a sense of humour :)

I just had to share this. It is coming from a British point of view but as the Aussies and Brits are very similar or the same as in wording and how we spell things I thought this was worth sharing :)




A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British ( and Aussie) sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar or Tomato sauce.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter and Aussie beers will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There only two kinds of proper football; you call it soccer and the game we know as Aussie rules. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!
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Most Recent Comment:
"7. In films, as in real life, we decide who the bad guys are. The bad guys are those guys who don't do as we tell them. They are also the guys who attract the biggest audiences into movie theaters. You will cease using the word "cinema". They are "movie theaters". The snippets of forthcoming films are not "trailers" they are "teasers".

8. November 5th is no longer a day for fireworks. July 4th is the appropriate fireworks festival. If you want a big fireworks party on November 5th, we will help you to blow up your Houses of Parliament. You won't be needing them any longer; Disneyland London will be situated there. Hunting with packs of dogs is also banned. Instead, you will go hunting with a pick-up truck, some six-packs of beer, two coonhounds and enough guns and ammo to equip a private militia. There is also no such activity as "caravanning". It is properly called "camping". The thing boy scouts do with tents and bedrolls is called "tenting".

9. Roundabouts will be banned. What is the point of turning left in order to turn right? They are confusing to Americans and are death traps. You will start driving on the right with immediate effect. Most of the world drives on the right already. You will be allowed to turn right on a red light if safe to do so though you must check local county legislation as this is not permitted in all areas.

10. Those things which you call chips are cholesterol-soaked abominations. You will start to eat fries - light fluffy potato in crisp coating. If you want to eat British-style fried potato sticks you will need a certificate from your doctor and good medical insurance. Beer is to be served cold. The warm, flat drink you call beer is properly termed 'ale' and the FDA have determined it to be unfit for human consumption. You will also learn the difference between crackers, cookies and biscuits to avoid causing unnecessary confusion to mainland Americans.

11. All inter-personal communications between family members, even if resident in the same house, must be through a lawyer. It is compulsory to sue somebody at least once per year - be inventive. It is compulsory to have therapy three times each week and to recover false memories of your childhood which allow you to sue your parents and/or your therapist. Therapy will take the place of speaking to family members. You will be given compulsory courses on how to become dysfunctional. Name your children after interesting medical conditions.

12. You will not have guns. In the eyes of Mainland Americans you are wayward children. Children are not permitted to play with firearms unless they have a legitimate reason to do so i.e. they plan to gun down the population of a small town (self-defense) or slaughter every living creature within a mile radius (hunting).

Thank you for your co-operation. You will be assimilated."
- curiousAdam


Tuesday, October 11, 2016, 6:01:56 AM- New day


Its been a while since I have blogged a photo of any sort. So, I thought that with what life has coming up for me that this one has some sort of meaning for me. The sun rising to begin a new day, just like after this weekend and the one after that hopefully a new beginning can be around the corner for myself also. I have not so much been dwelling on the past few years but often finding myself asking the same question over and over again, why did it have to happen to me, I wasnt ready for this. I didnt expect this to happen for a long time to come yet, why did someone think it was time to end ones life ? You were supposed to be here for this time in my life. I remember the day you said I was half way, now I will soon be at that time and your not here when you should have been! I just wish you were here with me.





The sun rising over the calm ocean signalling the beginning of a new day.

So peaceful to sit and watch the small gentle waves of the ocean softly break on the sandy beach.


Oh and one last thing, to all my haters, I am not after the attention you all say I crave for ( but its ok for you to look for it yourselves), I am just expressing how I am feeling right now which is what so many of you do.
And if you dont like what I have to say then fuck off and dont read my blog :)

That is all for now :D

xoxo








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"Beautiful pic Bee, hope you realise he would have loved to be here still: ) xx"
- TopCat57


Tuesday, October 11, 2016, 12:54:52 AM- Friends...

How well do you really know someone? have you told someone to much and not so much regretted telling them, but now wish you hadn't told certain things?



Ah shit, I have lost my train of reasoning for this blog so will remove what I have typed until I can think straight again and replace it with what I am actually trying to say .......

But I will say this, before you judge a person, before you even think you know a person just be mindful that you dont know the person at all and there might just be somethings that are deeply hidden from sight, thoughts that you dont know about, and feelings you have no idea on.

I dont even know if this makes any sense to be honest.....

ciao for now

xxx
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"Been there done that ... countless times"
- mermaid_hunter69


Friday, July 15, 2016, 9:43:59 AM- Ha ha

no words need to be said :D



Enjoy your friday :)

xx
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"America is in sad shape I fear"
- voyeur2878


Tuesday, March 22, 2016, 12:41:27 PM- yup....drunken sods
it may only be 17% in the bottle but it potent stuff lol




as these animals show :)

not the video I wanted but still funny :)


I think so anyway even if you dont :p



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"Glad they don't have a car"
- chargingram


Sunday, March 20, 2016, 7:12:22 AM- try again ...
I get knocked down ....



vodka drink will fix it :)
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Monday, February 22, 2016, 6:12:40 AM- Anyone here relate to this ...
Can anyone here relate to this? I am sure there would be a few :)






Happy monday pervin people :)

xxx
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"ROFL!"
- happyhumper69


Sunday, November 8, 2015, 1:13:33 AM- words ....

Fuck I hate sitting at home alone all the time......makes me think to much ....

I try to join in but I just get ignored for what ever reason it is.....maybe cause some cant handle the truth when I say it. some dont accept my apologies because they must think they are above everyone else, or just above me, maybe because I dont comment on your pics and tell you how lovely or sexy or beautiful you or your GF/wife is. But ya know what, that isnt me. I have never been one to express myself in words. I wasnt bought up with someone telling me they loved me all the time. I wasnt given the affection that everyone else gets or got. I dont know how to say those words but when I do...I mean it

So if I do tell you special words then you are one of the lucky ones. dont push me away because it will hurt me more than you think.

Well, you know what, I dont care anymore, you either take me as the person I am in what I say or do and if you don't like what I say then tough, maybe the truth does hurt you more than you let one to others.

and now I have made no sense but I am sure some will decipher what I have just ranted and raved on about.


toodles ...


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"Always liked you flitterbee. Sometimes a person's energy signature can be sensed without many words being said. Happy that you are here."
- MitchandDaisy


Thursday, October 15, 2015, 6:22:05 AM- :(


My eyes are hurting from tears and a lack of sleep.

2 yrs today you left us behind....

Missing you lots

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"(((((xxx)))))"
- Boredmum74


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