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| Wednesday, January 12, 2005, 3:32:28 AM- You're stuck between the Baby Boomers and Generations X'ers if | ||||
1. You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat handle comb in the back pocket was cool. 3.In your class picture you were wearing an Izod shirt with the collar up. 3. You know by heart the words to any Weird Al Yankovic song (Just eat it, eat it, don't make me repeat it...) 4. You ever rang someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!" 5. Three words: ATARI, IntelliVision and Coleco, sound familiar. 6. You remember the premier of MTV, in fact, you remember the Friday Night Videos before the days of MTV. 7. A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid. 8. While in high school, you and your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying. 9. You remember when music that was labeled alternative, really was alternative. And when alternative comedy really was funny. 10. You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the minivan. 11 You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you. 12. You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: When I was younger...When I was your age...You know,back when... 13. Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language (Conjunction junction, what's your function....). 14. You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna or Cyndi Lauper video. 15. The first time you ever kissed someone at a dance came during either "Crazy for You" or "Leather and Lace". 16. You remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made our old Big Wheel quite obsolete. 17. The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter. 18. You honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON. 19. You had a crush on either Ted the photographer on The Love Boat, Gage from Emergency or Ponch the motorcycle cop from CHiPs. 20. Your hair at some point in time in the 80's became something which can only be described by the phrase, "I was experimenting." 21. You've shopped at a Benetton. | ||||
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| Monday, January 10, 2005, 2:40:52 AM- Reasons The 80's Were A Cooler Time To Grow Up Than The 90's | ||||
10) MTV actually played videos in the 80's. 9) There were only one kind of Nike tennis shoes (white with a red swish), and they didn't cost $125.  A comb in your back pocket is more practical and less painful than a ring through your nose. 7) In the 80's playing video games actually meant going out to DO something. 6) In the 80's, when you were out partying, you didn't have to worry about your Mom calling you on your cell. 5) In the 80s we didn't have to worry about getting our heads blown off at school -- unless you put a whole pack of Pop Rocks in your mouth and drank a coke. 4) Debbie Gibson vs. Britney Spears. New Kids on the Block vs. NSync. New Edition vs. Hanson. OK, that one's a draw. 3) In the early 80's there were kids in your high school who could BUY ALCOHOL LEGALLY. 2) Feathered hair was easier to care for than dreadlocks. 1) In the 80's you didn't have to worry about your pants falling down all the time. | ||||
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| Sunday, January 9, 2005, 4:26:28 AM- Oral Sex - An Ode To Love | ||||
Penis breath, a lover's dread Is what you get when you give head Unpleasant as it tends to be Be grateful that he doesn't pee It's times like this, you wonder why You bothered reaching for his fly But it's too late, can't be a tease Accept the facts, get on your knees You know you've got a job to do So open wide and shove it through Lick the tip then take it all Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl Slide up and down, use your tongue And feel the precum start to run So when the fuck's he gonna cum Just, when you can't take anymore You hear your lover's mighty roar And when he hits that real high note You feel it oozing down your throat Salty, fishy, sticky, stuff Okay, already that's enough Let's switch you say, before you gag And what revenge, you're on the rag. | ||||
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| Saturday, January 8, 2005, 12:52:54 AM- Trivia | ||||
I just wanted to thank all how come and play trivia with me as I really enjoyed hosting it. However I think I am done for now. Its being taken too seriously and I am not having fun anymore. People don't realize how hard it is to watch the screen fly by and catch every answer, and that maybe some questions aren't the best but its hard sometimes to find common ground everyone knows. Either way I had fun doing it, and thanks to all the regulars who made it such a blast..there were times I couldn't read the screen I was crying so hard. =0) Take Care beach | ||||
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| Saturday, January 8, 2005, 12:49:20 AM- Trivia Questions | ||
.SWANS ARE THE ONLY BIRDS WITH THESE?PENIS 2.THE AVERAGE PERSON DOES THIS IN SEVEN MINUTES?FALLS ASLEEP 3.THE AVERAGE AMERICAN WILL EAT 35,OOO OF THESE IN A LIFETIME? COOKIES 4.THE LARGEST MUSCLE IN THE HUMAN BODY IS WHAT?BUTTOCKS 5.THE AVERAGE MALE WILL SPEND 2,965 HOURS DOING THIS IN A LIFETIME?SHAVING 6.A PERSON SUFFERING FROM POLYTHELIA HAS WHAT?THREE NIPPLES 7.MORE PEOPLE USE BLUE THEN RED OF THESE?TOOTHBRUSHES 8.MOST HUMANS CAN GUESS SOMEONE’S SEX WITH 95% ACCURACY JUST BY DOING THIS?BREATH 9.IN 1990 THERE WERE 15,000 ACCIDENTS RELATED TO THIS IN THE US? VACUUM CLEANERS 10.RESULTS SHOW 76% OF WOMEN, BUT ONLY 46% OF MEN DO THIS DAILY? MAKE THEIR BED 11.MORE TOILETS FLUSH DURING THIS TIME THEN ANY OTHER TIME OF THE YEAR (NOT A TIME OF DAY)?SUPERBOWL SUNDAY HALF TIME 12.THERE ARE 10 DOCTORS IN THE US WITH THE LAST NAME WHAT?NURSE 13. EVERY CITIZEN IS KENTUCKY IS REQUIRED TO DO THIS ONCE A YEAR BY LAW?TAKE A BATH 14. IT IS AGAINST THE LAW TO DO THIS IN OKLAHOMA? (ODD DUE TO GEOGRAPHY)HUNT WHALES | ||
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| Friday, January 7, 2005, 4:07:17 AM- Signs You Have Had Too Much Of The 90's | ||
You try to enter your password on the microwave. You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in a year. You have a list of fifteen phone numbers to reach your family of three. Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your college roommate used to play that you most despised. Every commercial on television has a website address at the bottom of the screen. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date...and now sells for half the price you paid. Cleaning up the dining area means gettting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person. You consider second day air delivery painfully slow. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year. | ||
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| Thursday, January 6, 2005, 3:20:05 AM- The World's Shortest Books | ||||
The World's Shortest Books 25. My Plan To Find The Real Killers By O.J. Simpson 24. The Catholic Guide To Great Sex 23. To All The Men I've Loved Before By Ellen Degeneres 22. The Difference Between Reality And Dilbert 21. Human Rights Advances In China 20. Things I Would Not Do For Money By Dennis Rodman 19. The Wild Years By Al Gore 18. Amelia Earhart's Guide To The Pacific Ocean 17. America's Most Popular Lawyers 16. Career Opportunities For Liberal Arts Majors 15. Detroit - A Travel Guide 14. Different Ways To Spell Bob 13. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection Of Motivational Speeches 12. Easy Unix 11. Ethiopian Tips On World Dominance 10. Everything Men Know About Women 9. Everything Women Know About Men 8. French Hospitality 7. George Foreman's Big Book Of Baby Names 6. How To Sustain A Musical Career By Art Garfunkel 5. Mike Tyson's Guide To Dating Etiquette 4. Spotted Owl Recipes By The Epa 3. Staple Your Way To Success 2. The Amish Phone Directory 1. The Book Of Virtues by Bill Clinton | ||||
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| Wednesday, January 5, 2005, 1:54:35 AM- We Need Instructions For This? | ||||
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert  printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. | ||||
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| Tuesday, January 4, 2005, 4:46:02 AM- Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us | ||
15. A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean. 14. Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all." 13. You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks. 12. Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stockboy" display. 11. You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer. 10. Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the new "Jerry Springer" edition. 9. The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling. 8.Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct. 7. Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again. 6. Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the Giraffe. 5. Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you jackknifed a Big Wheel. 4. Caught hocking phlegm into tykes' hands and telling them it was "homemade Gack." 3. Your sales display, "Barbie's Struggle for Survival in Post-Nuclear Holocaust Malibu" was not exactly an overwhelming success. 2. Too many reports from people who swear they saw Geoffrey the Giraffe in a leather bar. 1. Regardless of the question, you answer, "Bite me, kid -- I'm on break." | ||
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| Monday, January 3, 2005, 10:20:06 PM- Beer Tribute | ||||
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. An intelligent man is sometimes xxxxxx to be drunk to spend time with his fools. Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. Non-Drinker: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls. A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. I'd Rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven... You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. All right, Brain, I don't like you... and you don't like me, so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. | ||||
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