view: desktop |

Latest:

View All | Update Your Status

Help / Support | Settings | View or Edit your profile

Browse Blogs

View Latest Blogs

View a Specific Blog

Update Your Blog


	NN Matchmaker: I am a: find looking for me. must have a pic. Help NN grow - put this search on your site - FREE!

Read the latest from NN

Viewing Member - alaun

Profile

Statuses

Blog

Photos

Videos

Bookmarks

Gifts

Send a Private Message to alaun

Send a tip to alaun

Blog Viewed: 982 times.

First |

Previous | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | Next

| Last

Page 26 of 29

Sunday, November 20, 2011, 9:05:39 PM- Better than saying I LOVE YOU.

PETER wakes up one morning at home with a huge hangover, he forces his eyes open,and the first thing he see's is two Aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table beside him, he looked around and saw his clothes all laid out for him ready clean and pressed, Peter looks around the room,it was all very clean and tidy, he takes the Aspirin and notices there is a note on the table which said,"Honey your Breakfast is laid out in the kitchen, I have just popped out to do the shopping" LOVE YOU...
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a nice hot breakfast on the table,along with the morning Paper, his Son was eating at table too.
Peter asked "Son what happened last night".
His Son says " well you came in after 3 A.M. off your head Drunk, knocked over the table, puked all over the floor and gave yourself a black eye when you walked into the kitchen door.
Confused Peter says,"then why is everything so clean and in order with my breakfast laid out for me?".
Well said his Son,"O that! Mum dragged you to the bedroom,and when she tried to take off your Pants", you said "LADY leave me ALONE".... I'M MARRIED......

Viewers Comments (0):

Sunday, November 20, 2011, 8:22:18 PM- Reader.

Dear READER,
Please do me right now, I don't care if you DO me on the Kitchen table,on your Bed, on the Couch, Hell, I'll even settle for on the floor in front of the T.V.. I don't care, I just need you to DO my like I've never been done before.
Sincerely,YOUR HOMEWORK......

Viewers Comments (0):

Sunday, November 20, 2011, 7:59:10 PM- Round like a shot.

Going to Bed last night I heard noises out back and found it was people in my Shed stealing my things.I called the Police and was told there was nobody in the area to help, but they would send someone over as soon as possible.
I hung up, and a minuet later, I rang back 'HELLO' I said 'I called a minuet ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to hurry now because I have just shot them.
Within minuets there were six police cars, a helicopter and an armed response unit in the area, They caught the Burglars red-handed.
One of the Officers said,'I thought you said you shot them'.
To which I replied, I thought you said there was NOBODY AVAILABLE.......

Viewers Comments (0):

Saturday, November 19, 2011, 3:13:47 PM-

An Elderly lady was well known for her Faith and her Boldness for talking about it. She would stand in her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her lived an Atheist who would get Angry at her Proclamations he would shout "THERE AIN'T NO LORD!!".
Hard times set in on the old Lady,and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance, She stood in her Porch and shouted,"PRAISE THE LORD.GOD I NEED FOOD!!I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!.
The next morning she went into her Porch and noticed a large box of Groceries and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD"
The Neighbour jumped from behind a Bush and shouted "Aha! I told you there was no LORD. I Bought them Groceries and Left them There." GOD Didn't.
The Old Lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said," PRAISE THE LORD, he not only sent the Groceries, but he got the DEVIL to PAY for them too, PRAISE THE LORD!!".

Viewers Comments (1):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"lol" - purr_tato

Saturday, November 19, 2011, 2:34:13 PM- The Perfect Gift.

A HUG.....

Relieves Tension.
Improves Blood Flow.
Reduces Stress.
Generates Good Will.
Non-Polluting.
Helps Self-Esteem.
Absolutely No Cost.
No Batteries Required.
Non-Taxable.
Silent Performance.
Extremely Personal.
Fully Returnable.

GET ONE TO-DAY..........

Viewers Comments (1):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"if only" - purr_tato

Friday, November 18, 2011, 8:37:58 PM- The Knots Prayer.

Dear GOD:
Please untie the nots that are in my mind,
My heart and my life.
Remove the have nots, can nots, and the do nots that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots, may nots,and might nots that may find a home in my Heart.
Release me from the could nots,Would nots,and should nots that obstruct my Life.
And most of all Dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind,my Heart and my Life all of the 'am nots'that I have allowed to hold me back,especially the thought that I am not GOOD ENOUGH> Amen.

Author....Unknown to God...

Viewers Comments (1):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"oh its very good" - purr_tato

Thursday, November 17, 2011, 8:35:25 PM- Support....

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from BOYFRIEND 5.0 to HUSBAND 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance,particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications,which operated flawlessly under BOYFRIEND 5.0.
In addition ,HUSBAND1.0.uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as ROMANCE9.5. and PERSONAL ATTENTION 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS5.0.MONEY 3.0. and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs. and House Cleaning 2.6.simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running NAGGING 5.3.to fix these problems, but to no avail.
Signed Me.

Reply...

Dear Madam,
First, keep in mind BOYFRIEND 5.0. is an Entertainment Package,while HUSBAND 5.0. is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download TEARS 6.3. and do not forget to install GUILT 3.0. If that application works as designed,HUSBAND 1.0.should then automatically run the applications JEWELLERY 2.0. and FLOWERS 3.5.
However, remember, over use of the above applications can cause HUSBAND 1.0. to default to SILENCE 2.5. or BEER 6.1.
Please note that BEER 6.1. is a very bad program that will download SNORING LOUDLY BETA.
Whatever you do. DO NOT under any circumstances install MOTHER-IN-LAW 1.0.(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the BOYFRIEND 6.0.program.These are unsupported applications and will Crash HUSBAND 1.0.
In summary, HUSBAND 1.0. is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn New applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend. COOKING3.0 and HOT LOOKS 7.7.

Good Luck Madam.....

Viewers Comments (1):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"very good" - purr_tato

Thursday, November 17, 2011, 8:03:00 PM- Support....

Viewers Comments (0):

Wednesday, November 16, 2011, 3:15:43 PM- To-Day.

Dear GOD. So far to-day, I am doing all right.....
I have not gossiped.
Lost my temper.
Been greedy,Grumpy, Nasty,Selfish,or self-indulgent.
I have not Whined, Complained,Cursed,or eaten any Chocolates.
I have charged nothing on my Credit Card.......

BUT I will be getting out of Bed in a minute, and I Think that I will need YOUR HELP then....

Viewers Comments (2):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"i always love this" - purr_tato

Tuesday, November 15, 2011, 8:32:11 PM- The OTHER Woman...

After 21 years of marriage,my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said,"I love you,but I know this other woman loves you too,and she would love to spend some time with you".
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER,who had been a widow for 19years,but the demands of my work and three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.
"What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
"I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you", I responded. "Just the two of us".
She thought about it for a moment, and then she said..."I would like that very much".
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up, I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she too seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angels.
"I told my friends that I was going out with my Son,and they were very impressed" she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting".
We went to a restaurant that,although not elegant, was very nice and cosy. My Mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down<I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.
"It was I who used to read the menu when you were small",she said
"Then it's time for you to relax and let me return the favour", I responded.
During the dinner, we had agreeable conversation-nothing extaordinary just catching up on recent events in each others life. WE talked so much that we missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later,she said "I@LL go out with you again,but only if you let me invite you" I agreed.
"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very Nice. Much more that I could have imagined" I answered.
A few days later, my Mother DIED of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have time to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place Mother and I had dined.An attached note said "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates-one for you the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant to me. I love YOU,SON.

Viewers Comments (0):

First |

Previous | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | Next

| Last

Page 26 of 29

User not found

User not found

Viewing Member - alaun