Well It's been eons since I've last blogged on this thing but I figure theres no better time than now to start again, especially with the current events that taking place in my life right now.

I'm not even gonna go into my work related issues, which quite frankly there are a lot of and stressful on top of that. No no, the thing that has me flustered is my current situation with my relationships. The ex, the gf, and the fling that went wrong.

I'll start with my ex, we went out for a year back in 2007-2008, broke up(she did) and didn't talk to her much for a year(by choice) until she got in contact with me one day miraculously and started talking again, it was friendly and nice, we laughed over the phone talking about the dumb stuff that we used to talk about and what not, it was nice. My current gf didnt know anything about it or she would flip knowing that I was talking to her again. And so the conversations continued, everyday being reminded of her, until I wanted to be with her again, so I went out on a limb and spilt the feelings I couldn't share with her at the beginning and thought maybe this can change things for the better. It didn't, found out she started dating some dude 2 weeks before, and said that we should remain friends to which I could not do and pretty much kicked her out of my life, this happened a week ago.

The gf, she's sweet and lovable, willing to do anything for me and I for her, we met early last year in Georgia, it was something sort of magical at the time, just happyness, then I 5 months later I had to move to Missouri and things just started getting difficult naturally, every month becoming more and more strained, we've since each other a couple of times since then but it becomes harder and harder everytime, the issues are getting tougher with me and her and I don't know how much longer it will last at this rate.

While here in Missouri, I met a girl from Illinois online that was cool, I didn't expect anything out of the whole ordeal, no sex, no nothing, just whatever, let it flow. Well it did and we ended up having sex and at first thats all it was until she started getting feelings for me and I for her and she admitting her love and me pulling away, and her just wanting to be friends, unfortunately I had to be out of the area for two months.

Two months have passed since then until I saw her again yesterday and we hung out and laughed and everything, had a good time, but something was off and she really just wanted to be friends and but I had too much feelings for her to just let it be that, so I decided the best thing to do was to end it all right there, probably to never see or talk to her again, I have no idea yet.

I just feel like I need to end all of them and start clean, devote sometime to myself I guess, something. I know those of you who read this will probably think me as a piece of shit, which is fair but it is how it is right now, all I know is that I'm in a world of confusion, not knowing where the next road will go.