An email From Every Day Health. That I thought you may like to peruse
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Men who want to enjoy a good sex life should know their partner can be the best source of sex secrets. From erection to orgasm, communication is key.
Good sex with your partner can get even better. There are many ways men can both enjoy sex more and better please their partners. Just keep in mind that while there are some solid guidelines for improving your sex life, the best kept sex secrets are the ones waiting to be unearthed in your relationship.
"I think each guy is different and each relationship is different," says Paul Joannides, PsyD, a research psychoanalyst in Waldport, Ore., and author of The Guide To Getting It On. "You need to appreciate that what might work for your best friend and his wife might not work for you and your partner."
Start Talking About Sex
Ironically, some of the best sex secrets are those men and women keep from each other, Dr. Joannides says. To have good sex, you need to talk about your likes and dislikes.
"One of the most important things to do is to ask and to listen," says Joannides. "A lot of guys are terrified that some people may think they don't know all the answers. Also, some guys think they do know all the answers."
It can be difficult to broach the subject of sex. But here are tips from Joannides that can clue you in to what your partner enjoys:
Don't ask about what she doesn't like or what doesn't feel good. That puts a negative spin on it. Instead, ask her what feels best to her.
Use study aids. "Try to get a book or two or three or four that you think your partner might enjoy," Joannides says. "Look through it with her and see what she's interested in. Sometimes it's easier that way because someone might not be comfortable telling you what they want to do, but they may see a photo and say, 'Hey, that looks interesting.'"
Switch roles. Let her show you what she likes rather than tell you. "A really good thing to do is to say, 'Let's switch places here. I'd like you to kiss my chest just the way you'd like me to kiss yours,'" Joannides says. "Sit back and learn.”
Communication is a two-way street. Remember to let her know your likes and dislikes as well, including what gives you pleasure for maintaining an erection and having an orgasm.
Other Good Sex Secrets
Powerful ideas for promoting good sex in your relationship include:
Share your fantasies. Remember that your brain is the most important sex organ in your body. Keep things fun and playful by talking over your fantasies with your partner. And don't feel like you should rid your mind of fantasies during sex — experts consider these fantasies an important way to kindle the desire that leads to erection and orgasm.
Get creative. Try having sex in different places and at different times. Be playful and try out different positions. "Don't just do the same thing every night, every time," says Joannides. "It's easy to get into a rut and be really predictable. Sometimes with certain things predictability is good, and other times it isn't. It's a wise man who learns which is which."
Keep porn in its place. "Sometimes guys feel that what a woman wants is for them to be porn stars," Joannides notes. "That's probably one of the worst models for lovemaking you could ever have. It's trying to live your life like you were a character on Star Trek. It's a nice fantasy to watch. It wouldn't work if you tried to act it out in real life."
Stay physically fit. Exercise has been shown to improve your sex life. For example, aerobic exercise improves blood flow, which is important in achieving an erection. It also can improve your sexual stamina and strength.
You may want to have all the answers when it comes to sex. The secrets to good sex are often found on the journey you take with your partner who can help you discover them and enjoy the discovery process with you.
By Dennis Thompson Jr.
Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH
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