sammiealice's blog post - i am really mad at him

he promised me he would leave work at 7pm last night. i called him at 4pm yesterday and left a voice mail telling him i wanted to go out for dinner before the world ended. i told you all about my plans. and sat and waited for him to come home. at 9pm, we had a power outage which closed the place i wanted to have dinner at. at 9:30, totally frustrated i called him. oh, he had not left yet. but he would leave then. at about 10:15 he called to say he had left and at 11pm he finally got home. my steak became chicken fingers, my wine was a coke, and if he had touched me i would have screamed---no i think i would have hit him---make him hurt like i was hurting.

did not even care enough to listen to my voice mail. i bet he wondered why i went to bed with out saying good night and when he told me he loved me this morning i really could not care less.

i learned when my mother and father died, nothing was more important than the ones you love. cherish the time, it disappears just to fast and suddenly.

i am so afraid i will wake up one morning and he will not be there anymore. and i am so afraid, that if he keeps this behavior up, i will still be here, sex will no longer be about love and the hurt will have destroyed my love for him. i just will not be able to cope anymore.

and a gift will not fix this. he needs to begin to make me special in his life again. it is not that he comes home late, it that he care so little for me and my time that he will not even tell me how late he will be. and so i wait.

and i don't think that my anti depressants are helping any more. or maybe the hurt is so great, nothing will help.

don't worry, i am unhappy and hurt, but i will not do me or him any harm.

sorry to be so down. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx to all

sammie alice