safire19's blog post - Not neccessarily true...but bloody funny ;)

24 things all women think while giving a blow job

This is what we’re thinking on those occasions when you’re lucky enough to be getting head.
1.This is an overly complicated belt. Seriously, is this a chastity belt?
2. Note to self: buy him new pants. If I don’t, his mother will get more of these monstrosities.
3. Hm, how to start?
4. Christ, this is taking a long time. Is he delaying on purpose or am I really bad at this?
5. If I pretend to be enjoying this that might speed things up.
6. Jaw ache.
7. Oh well, at least he’s not as big as that guy I met on holiday.
8. Er, grabbing the back of my head may seem sexy but I’d rather not choke to death, thanks.
9. I wonder if men secretly find vaginas as gross-looking as women find penises.
10. Not as gross as balls though. There’s really nothing sexy about a ball.
11. If I look in his eyes while I’m doing this that will speed things up, won’t it?
12. I really want to stop now but it seems like I might actually be getting somewhere.
13. Dilemma: if I switch to hand I’ll be way more comfortable. But that might set things back a bit.
14. That’s it, I can’t breathe, I’m switching to hand.
15. Why do men like this so much anyway?
16. I guess I might as well try that thing I read in Cosmo.
17. I really should have tied my hair back.
18. Ugh. Pubes.
19. Right. How should I deal with the impending, er, situation?
20. Don’t want to swallow. Spit seems rude. Boobs might be better but I don’t trust his aim.
21. If I’d used a condom I wouldn’t be having this dilemma.
22. Shit, better decide soon.
23. Oops, neck and hair it is then. Oh well, better than that time I got red eye.
24. Crap, this will take ages to shampoo out.