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manlycornhusk's blog post - Daddy's Dirty Little Secret War

Friday, September 21, 2007, 10:25:35 PM
It's the 50s. WW1 is still raw and bitter in the worlds memories. Germany is a nation torn, fragmented. My father, a young Air Force noncom. babysitting the line in the sand that would become The Cold War. East Germany, West German, East Berlin, West Berlin. A man meets a woman. They fall in love. They marry and have two children together. They divorce. End of story, right.

Wrong! The man was my father. The woman wasn't my mother. I didn't even know of her existance until long after she had died. A couple of years ago we were contacted by a German woman asking about our father. The Air Force had helped her find contacts in the United States through one of it's reunification programs. And then her story.............

After 45 years, I found that not only was I not the oldest child of my dad, I wasn't the second oldest. What I am is the middle sibling. That explains a lot.

My father and their mother loved each other at a time that communism was beginning to grow horns and become that fearful demon that television scared parents and children with well into the 60s. When the military found that she was East German they stepped in to stongly suggest that a seperation would be the only option open to my father. They branded her a spy because of her nationality. My father left her and two children. She eventually succumbed to a long illness and the two children were placed in foster homes. When they became adults, they searched each other out. In the late 50's, my father remarried and hid all of it from my mother and we three kids until the day he died.

In seven days, I will meet my older sister for the first time. We have corresponded but finally I will get to actually hug my older sister. Sadly, my older brother will not be able to make it this time. It scares me a little but I'm happy. I hope it turns out well.

To make a long story short. I have forgiven my father for what he did to them. I have set aside the betrayal I felt when it was exposed for the first time. 45 years, damn. All the time lost. So much to talk about, to make up for. I'm so glad I live to see this day.

Peace and Love and The Inevitable Reunion

Comments

Others Have Said: 
PerkyGirl
21-Sep-07 22:46:36
One of my friends went through a similar situation and she was the one that found a baby picture of her older sister. I hope your meeting goes as smoothly as hers did... hugs hon
valleybud
21-Sep-07 22:55:58
how very, very cool that you two will finally meet! And 'kudos' to you for your forgiving nature pal. :)

awwwwwwwwwwwww "lil-bro-Dougie"! :P It has a very nice ring! :)
21-Sep-07 23:40:51
Doug, I think he felt a bit of shame in knowing he made such a choice, and tried as best as possible with what he had. I don't know how he was as a father, but if he poured himself into it, he knew he had to do better by you and your younger sibs (please tell me if I have this all wrong.)

Even so, I'm glad you get to have more family. Some out there are not blessed, and I know your new sister will have lots to ask even still. I wish I could hold your hand and then let go so you can embrace her. I hope you and she will form that bond that you didn't know you needed. I love you, bud. xxx
22-Sep-07 1:09:59
Ah the toxicity of secrets. I'm so happy for you that you "gave it up" and forgave him. You know I know that feeling. I'm looking heartfelt towards your reunion.....it will be a little trying, sometimes.....but worth it. BIG KISS
22-Sep-07 1:18:00
Doug you aren't alone in this sort of thing. My mother and "only" child found out in her 40's she had a sibling the result of xxxx. It wasn't pretty. My heart goes out to you.
22-Sep-07 3:08:37
wow, so cool that you found one another. You are very sweet to be so forgiving
hobknob2006
23-Sep-07 7:22:34
Great for you. Look past things that you can't know for sure and rest in what you can feel might be the best of intentions from all sides. Let us know how things work out and I hope you find a truly wonderful new family...
tbjones
2-Oct-07 2:16:50
dang, I totally missed your blog 10 days ago - didn't see or read it until today. Yes, 45 years might have already gone by, but there are still many more years to come. (I should have taught you some -nice- german words to welcome her/them) ;)