manlycornhusk's blog post - OK, Maybe I Am Nuts!

A response to my last blog got me thinking.....just how normal is my life? I mean, compared to others, am I the guy people keep an eye on, roll those same eyes when mentioned, tap their heads and hum the Three Stooges theme?

Boy, I hope so...lol.

When pollsters interview for their polls...they chose smaller, indicitive groups of people that hopefully reflect the majority of the population. I wouldn't know where to find my own pollster so I think a fair solution to determining whether I'm looney might be an inventory of my rolling toolbox at work. Why my toolbox? Well, work is the most restricting environment in my day, so if odd items appear there...it's a strong indicator that my outside life is way weirder..lmao. Let's start.

First off, my box was originally orange but I painted it black and then created paintings on each of the sides. I think that qualifies as a little unique. The paintings continue to the shop towel holder sitting atop the box, much to my boss's chagrine and consternation.

Drawer 1: Hmmm, nothing too strange here...pens, markers, post-its, scissors, stapler, a hole punch...aha..what's this. Cigarette lighters in the shape of a hammer, an axe, fire extinguisher, pig, pistol, fishing lure..odd indeed. Wait, what's this...a lighter that looks like a busty bikini model's torso..naughty, naughty. Not too bad yet. What the hell? Why would anyone have a mini yoyo and a harmonica in his tool box..sheesh.

Drawer 2: Allen wrenches, honing stones, cutters and shim stock. Perfectly normal other that the fact that shim stock sheets have christmas ornament shapes cut out of them. Purely coincidental, I'm sure. Onward.

Drawer 3: Now we're talking. TOOLS! Wrenches, pliers, vicegrips, screwdrivers, etc....and epoxy. That may explain the figurine of a man made out of spare machine parts..sheesh. And I thought we had finally found the one normal drawer in the cabinet.

Drawer 4: Um, maybe we should just close this one back up for fear of incriminating myself. What, you're curious? Fine, it's on your shoulders. It's just a bunch of papers, 3 or 4 digital micrometers and calipers..gauges. Can I stop now...no..damn. Alright...there's a set of what looks like big drum sticks with the balls on the end and a Viking horn.....grumble..yes, a viking hat too. OMG...Is that a red, rubber clown nose? Damn..Doug isn't right!

Can we stop now?

Drawer 5: Aha, all paperwork...we're cool here! Wonder what's under all these papers? Shit, you didn't see that. An 8X10 of Captain America and underneath him, a office guy with his head up his ass. Unbelievable..let's get this over with. Just 2 more to go.

Drawer 6: It's just hammers....wait..not just....they seem to have names. The little dead-blow hammer is called "All decisions final", the heavy steel sledge is called "War Hammer", the huge dead-blow hammer is named Thor...omg...back to the whole viking thing, i guess. Then there's different brass hammers that say "1 micron adjustment", "10 micron adjustment" and "holy shit, that moved it". Somebody want to tell me why there's a hand puppet made out of a filter sock in here...Security!

Drawer 7: The biggest and last drawer. Do we even have to look. It's pretty obvious that this guy has thumped his head one too many times....but, what the hell. Some magazines...motorcycle and newsweeks..not too bad. 20' of air hose, a coffee cup, caution tape, masking tape, duct tape, wait a minute....caution tape....that's messed up. Oh, here's a plate and some plastic utensils including a "spork"...that's funny name, spork. Someone should write a poem about it...ah, that'll never happen..sigh. Oh, great..just when I though we were done...who the hell would make a spaceman costume out of aluminum foil and a white coverall. I've seen enough...I can make my decision at this time.....

Oh yeah, he's certifiable, should not be left in the same room with Jehovah's Witnesses and Crayons and never, never allowed to plan his own vacation let alone take a bath without a life vest.

How sad..sigh

Peace and Love and Lunacy for you all....They're coming to take me away, today...they're coming to take me away...weeeeeeee!