lostinmich's blog post - POP goes the Weasel A Mall Cop Story

All right boys and girls time for another story from the pages of Lostinmich "MALL COP!" So onto the story POP goes the weasel!

Ok so this one is kinda odd but funny in the long run. See the mall i work at has a play area much like every other. It is a nice padded place for the kids to run around in and to give their parents a nice needed break.

Well one day we start getting a bunch of concerned parents calling saying that there is a guy hanging out near the play are and it appears that Mr. Sicko is spanking his monkey while watching the kids in the play area.

So we call the boys in blue to come over and speak to Sicko. Now I have no love for xxxxs, being a father i would like to seem them all castrated and feed to sharks (with frickin lazers on their heads).

So we will call him Officer Blue, who shows up in my office to check this guy out. We are watching him on the camera and it appears that this guy is sitting but hunched over the table. One hand on the table and the other shoulder looks like it is doing the five knuckle shuffle under the table. So Blue gets all ticked off mumbled something to the effect of "Fucking xxxxs" and tears ass down to the food court/play area.

I watch on camera as one of my security guys and Blue approach this guy. Here is the conversation pretty much to the letter. We have voice recorders on at all times so I get the blow by blow after the fact.

B=Officer Blue
S=Sicko

B: Walks up behind the guy and leans in
B: "Hey you sick bastard you better put your other hand on the table slowly or I will fuck your shit up in front of everyone here.
S: ......Continues to act like nothing is wrong and is pounding away on his slim jim.
B: Straightens up looks at my officer with a WTF?!?! face and then looks back down. He leans in again.
B: "WTF are deaf? Did you not hear what i just said??"
S: .......At this point he is still pulling his pecker like he was pulling taffy
B: Taps the guy on the shoulder who turns with a pure look of "OH SHIT!" on his face..
B: "You are in so much shit right now!"
S: ... makes a hand gesture that shows the officer that he is deaf....

Yep thats right completely 100% stone, fucking, deaf. Blue reaches down yanks him out of his chair and puts him in handcuffs, this also entailed pulling the guys hand out of his pants which was soaked..yeah..thank god for rubber gloves. He was escorted out of the play area, and the officer got a standing ovation from all of the parents around the play area.

Blue was so pissed when he got to the office all he could say was that he wasted a perfectly kick ass line on a deaf xxxx. LOL. Well xxxx was a repeat offender and no longer welcome at the mall.

Hehe I think my next story will be the "You saw what?!"

Alright back to work. Hope you enjoy the story.

~LiM