kittenmmm's blog post - Pigs & the smart goat

Seeing how much everyone enjoyed the Mario story I decided to share another wild and crazy day at the farm.
This happened back in August. We were having a pig roast for Labor Day and made an appointment at the processing facility to have one of the pigs processed, while they did that we also had some goats to cull. Now mind you, this was our first ever experience with pigs.
We have a pick up truck which does not have a cap on it. So the week leading up to the big day hubby makes this cage contraption from a cattle panel (very heavy wire fencing), some wire/rope/electric ties, and a tarp. For some reason he decided the tarp was needed for the 1/2 drive. Whatever, I rarely bother arguing because its just not worth the hassle.
Anyway, the big day arrives. Our appointment is at 11am. Around 9:30 or 10:00 we go out to the pig pen to herd the pig into the truck. It had to be the hottest day of the summer. It was already sweltering and we were dressed in dark t-shirts, jeans and muck boots. If you've ever been in a pig pen you'll know why..
Hubby drives the pickup down the pig shelter, we prop a board against the tailgate and get ready to guide the pig into the truck. We figure, how hard can it be, these are very food motivated animals. I have a bucket of grain and I start spreading it from the door of the pig shelter to the cage. Out come 4 pigs following the trail of food. Half way up the board they start going back down. These pigs are smart little shits and they want no part of going for a ride.
After about 45 minutes of trying various foodstuffs, pushing behind them, begging and pleading, we start getting really frustrated. Both of us are soaked in sweat and mud and getting very nasty tempered. I start chasing the pigs around with a pitchfork hoping to prick one of them and get them to jump up in the truck. No luck. All I'm accomplishing is to get them all worked up and further away from the goal.
We take a break, reevaluate the situation and start talking options. Well, I say, too bad we don't have an electric prod. My husband, innovator that he is, decides that is an option. He finds this really long branch, pulls a piece of wire from the electric fencing, wraps that around the branch and say, this might work. Keep in your mind the image of us both soaked in nice salty sweat, wonderful conductor of electricity. Also picture the truck backed to the pen with two metal cattle panels surrounding it to keep the pigs from going out into the fields. Now picture my husband standing on the side of the metal panel, leaning against it, with this stick covered in wire. Yes this is a good idea, don't you think?
He tells me to go plug the fence in. I'm shaking my head. You know honey, I don't know if this is such a good idea. Just go plug it in. Off I go to the barn to plug the fence in. The plug is mere hairs away from being inserted when I hear "Stop!".
I go back out and ask what's wrong. Now he's shaking his head..I don't think this is such a good idea, he says. Gee, whatever gave you that idea honey?
By now its past 11am. We need to call the facility to tell them we won't make our time. These people are the sweetest folks you could ever meet and tell us not to worry about it we can come a little later.
So off we go back to the pen. I've changed to a white t-shirt because my other one was soaked and I can't take the sun beating into the dark color anymore. On the way back I start talking about hot pokers. What if we heat up a piece of metal and use that? What the hell, we've tried everything else... So we start a little brush fire, throw a poker in there and wait. This really isn't working well but we give it the old college try and off I go back into the pen to chase pigs again. This isn't working either. We can't get the metal heated enough, its not staying hot and the pigs are smarter than us.
We resort to the food again. Still no go. We finally just give up and call the facility again. Its close to 1pm now.
The guy my hubby talks to asks if the pigs have tails. Yes. Ok, he says, this is what you do...get a bucket and put it over the pig's head, one of you hold the bucket on and the other one grab the tail and guide it to where you want it. Off we go again, on goes the bucket with me holding it on piggy's head. Hubby grabs the tail, pulls it back to the truck,up the ramp and in the cage. This in 5 minutes flat. By now our neighbor's are down in the field watching us, laughing their asses off.
Now to get the goats...I say oh to hell with Howard, he's a bitch to catch and I can't be dealing with that now. So we grab Snoopy, who hasn't been getting pregnant, and put her in the truck with the pig. Piece of cake.
We figure we're all set now. Off they go down the state highway (yes the same one Mario was on), not more than 2 miles down the road the tarp catches the wind and lifts a corner of the cage. Snoopy thinks this is cool, sticks her head under, lifts the cage and jumps out on the highway. My husband and son stop, run after her, get her and her collar slips off her head. In the meantime the pig is thinking she doesn't want to miss out on this opportunity either and she starts pushing the cage around. She's doing a pretty good job too. So husband pushes her back in, turns around and comes barrel-assing home. He pulls in the yard, blowing the horn and screaming with the pig halfway out the truck bed. As soon as he stopped she jumps out and starts moseying back down to the pen.
I'm freaking out because he left our son on the highway to watch the goat. Off he goes again to get our son and try to get the goat. That was a no go...she just took off into some adjacent woods and fields.
We call the facilty yet again. They tell us to let the pig calm down and we can drop it off anytime in a pen they have in the back. We both rest, shower, get something to eat and drink and go back out about an hour or so later. No problems with the pig this time and hubby has removed the tarp. I have to follow him to the facility this time but it was now pretty uneventful.
During the ride we keep looking for the goat but it seems she's disappeared....stay tuned for Return of the Smart Goat.

And the pig roast was a big success!