depotguy's blog post - Snow.....snow..........snow

A sad and reflective day here at brokeback farm. The snow softly fallen is not to be taken seriously. It is only a reminder that the calendar is more powerful than the weather wishes of the faithful. The windows are closed and the furnace clicks on sometimes. Big flakes for a while then tiny ones, all melting on the ground.

Today my thoughts are on faith. I wonder what it means to have enough to give yourself completly to someone or even something. Faith that that thing is real. Faith that I am enough. I know this is an area where I am not whole. I know this is the dark hole where lonely lives. We are old friends.

If it is true that we learn all we will ever know about relationships from watching those around us durring our formative years, then the riddle is solved. I know my parents married only because I was "the bun in the oven". We can't go back and un-do that. I do feel an obligation to question the pending marriages around me.

Mexico boy and pending wife came for a visit yesterday. Along with adorable baby boy. I watched them interact all day. They do not have a clue. ALL their attention is on said cute baby boy. They don't touch, talk, or seek out each other. When they left I wondered who I am to question this relaionship.

I am that baby boy.
And I want more for him.

Do I dare?