beachdreamz's blog post

This is probably a long one and I think more than anything I just need to write it out to figure it out.

Tonight I realized a guy that was interested in me deleted me from Facebook and probably MSN. I can still be in contact with him and part of me wants to message him to tell him off. He already did this once and then came back to me telling me he made a mistake blah blah blah. I don't want to try again or anything and basically I guess I did tell him he needed to get his shit together if he wanted us to try to date.

So I was sitting here tonight wondring why its bothering me that he deleted me when it was for the best anyways. I figured part of it is me being vain and hurt at being "tossed aside", but I knew that wasn't all of it. I do have a habit of stopping talking to people but never completely ending it. I have had so many people walk away I guess I hope some relationships can be rebuilt.

Anyways suddenly tonight I realized I was upset over being tossed aside because of my dad. I had decided to take him out of my life but I never actually told him or made it known. I am sooooooo scared to do it. For 2 reasons basically 1) I dont want him to sweet talk me into being a "good daughter" again. Ive done this already more than one and I am the one who ends up hurting and 2) I am scared to say something and then have him go do something stupid and get hurt or killed. I know I have to confront this. I have grown so much as a person in the past 2 years and this is just one more bridge to cross.

Scary to think I am geting so good at this shit I am becoming my own shrink lol.

I also realized something...this site is based on sex/sexuality/etc (yes I know there is SOOO MUCH more too) but I never talk sex anymore! LOL I need to change that. I fully admit that when I used to write stories on here they were written for someone. As well my best pics on here (IMO) were taken for someone. I guess I just need more inspiration.

Part of me wants to delete my pics but Im not sure yet so I will leave them for now. Maybe when I am in Vegas I will even try for a new one.

LOL Naked Guy why cant you be in Vegas at the same time as me?? My pool even has a toppless section so we could have taken pics legally

7 more sleeps..one which is going to happen right now

Good Night NN