RockJohnson's blog post - She doesn't make it easy...

We worked essentially the same shift today - I started a little earlier, she worked a little later. We had a brief staff meeting mid-morning. I stood beside her, and whispered a perfectly innocuous comment to her before we went back to work. As I walked away, she reached out and touched my hand. It was brief, yet it made my heart flutter. Her touch always does that to me, and I was also surprised that she did it in front of our coworkers. A reflex, perhaps, as it's the sort of thing we do outside of work.

We had lunch together, the scheduling being perfectly coincidental this time. Her boyfriend was supposed to come meet her, but failed to return her text until her lunch break was almost over. So, we sat in the break room and watched Big Bang Theory bloopers on my phone. God help me, I love the sound of her laugh, and her smile both raises my spirits and makes my heart ache.

The boyfriend finally stopped in to visit after her lunch break ended. I couldn't really avoid them, so I just pretended not to notice. I'm sure she knew it was killing me on the inside, though. I still have no real reason to dislike the guy, other than the obvious. Hell, if he hadn't gotten transferred into the area by his employer, I never would have even met her. How fucked up is that?

After I vowed to stop pursuing her (two blog entries ago), I decided I'd compromise my position just a little: I wouldn't ask her out anymore, but if she asked me, well, I just wouldn't be able to resist. And yet, before I left work today, I asked when she was working tomorrow. Fridays generally work well for our getting together. She said she wasn't sure if tomorrow would work, since she has family coming to town this weekend (which I already knew), but she'd see if she could work something out. I told her, "It's an open invitation, you know that." She smiled and nodded before walking away.

Every time I see her, I want to hold her. I don't want to sound all chick flicky, dime store novelish, but the times I've held her, I felt closer to her than most of the women with whom I've had sex. I'm pretty certain, on at least one occasion, she'd felt the closeness, too. I can only imagine what it would be like to make love to her. Perhaps it would be the most fulfilling connection I could ever experience. I would hope it would be the same for her. Yet, I'm selfish for even having those thoughts. Right now, I'd give anything just to sit down and dine with her, while gazing into her eyes...