Misspriss's blog post - Hurt

What a wreck I am.
I thought I was over the worst of it.
Yesterday I had some triggers, things that brought Dad to the forefront of my mind.
It hurts. My stomach feels so sick with grief. I barely ate. I tossed and turned. My dreams were not the good kind.
I feel lost in this space. And alone. The last "down days" I had my bf made it perfectly clear that he thinks I control my feelings. "You make yourself sadder by talking about it. Just think of something else."
He has no understanding of how it feels to lose a parent. Since we've been together, I've lost my best friend since childhood, my treasured Grammie, and now my dad. This is the first time I feel like he's indifferent to my pain.
I'm trying to swim through the storm. I'm getting so tired. I need someone to help me keep my head above water.

Hurt
Christina Aguilara

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes.

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again.
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh, whoa

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh, oh, oh.

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you