My apologies for pretty much being MIA for a while a long while. As some of you know we lost my dad in August. It was a bitter and sad pill to swallow. The man that gave up everything for me my whole life. The man I owe and have more respect and love for then you could ever know, And yes the same man who suffered from dementia who could send me into crazy spells at times. It is taking me time to adjust to life without him. You have more free time you say. well not really. My grand started ABA this school year and it requires lots and lots of time. He has ABA 5 times a week 3 hours a day, with a 40-minute drive each way. A time eater but one well worth it. I am trying to find my way and see what is going to work best for me. LOL not like some of you talk to me anyway right. LOL May peace and love protect you. Happy smile BBWdreamgirl

wipe your tears away girl
wipe your tears away
you've been thinkin' too much
'bout the things they say

wipe your tears away girl
wipe your tears away
he don't love you anyhow
so wipe your tears away

wipe your tears away girl
wipe your tears away
you need the change anyway
now wipe your tears away

wipe your tears away girl
wipe your tears away
you might need them someday
so keep your tears at bay

wipe your tears away girl
wipe your tears away
you keep thinkin' bout love
but just wait another day

wipe those tears away girl
wipe them all away.

written by Faith Franklin

I truely love this poem. It speaks to me in ways I could never even dream of.

3 in the morning and here I am. Wide awake and a day full of ups and downs. My peace is worth more than your chaos... My peace is worth more than your chaos. Our motto for today is MY PEACE IS WORTH MORE THAN YOUR CHAOS.
Don't ask me why I feel the need to write this, it has been laid on me and nagging me so here I sit. Delivering this message to all who need it today. Please know you are a good person who puts yourself out there for anyone in need. You're loving and caring heart shines bright like a star. It attracts all sorts of souls to you, some good some bad but all needing something. Take care of you. That is my sage advice. Do not allow others the right to make you doubt yourself and the goodness that resides in you. Step back and do a selfcare check. Ask yourself these questions.
1.) Am I okay today?
2.) Do I feel like I am being drained of my happiness more times than not?
3.) Who is there to be my sounding board?
4.) My head hits the pillow at night do I feel like I made a difference, or do I feel a deep sense of I am drained?
If you answered yes to any of these questions... you might be in need of an emotional break from the way you are doing things. Meaning My peace is worth than your chaos. Take care of you today... so your light can keep shining bright like the star you are. Peace and love to you.

This is my motto, just keep waking up.. just keep moving forward even if you have no damn idea where you are headed. Just know no one can rent space in your head unless you let them. Breath... breath... you got this... don't you... errrr I mean I.. yes I got this. I've done it.. should I feel better now? I guess not. Am I more hypersensitive... why yes, I know I am. So now not only do I feel like a freaking idiot I also feel like I walk around on eggshells. Everything I say and think gets taken and questioned looking for some other meaning. Sigh. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. My give a damn is about damned up.

Good morning I hope you all will take a second and flap your wings like a chicken and cluck a few times before you brave this crazy world today. Smile. It's been a while, and I know every I post woe is me. I get it. LOL I have spent a lot of this time self-reflecting what I have done wrong. So much I could write a book.
I am however letting go of people that do not serve me well. I thought it would be hard honestly. How do you let go of people you truly cared about. LOL I have found it is rather easy. Yes, easy when you sit back and think I loved and cared about these people however it was one sided and they did not give a fig about me. light bulb moment. It has been quite liberating. So, here's to marching forward and upward. If you were cut sucks to be you. If your still here well I am not done yet, so where do you fall. Have a great one y'all.

When I tell you when it rains it pours. We have a rainstorm here and it has been raining all day. not expected to clear out until sometime late tomorrow. Shakes my head. I guess we had more damage from the last hailstorm then we thought. While sitting on my bed I keep hearing this little sound like my cat playing with a bag or something. Upon checking it out I find I have sprung a leak right on top of my bed. It is coming from the air vent on top of the house, mmmmm We have been moving the bed around to keep from getting any wetter and have buckets under the drips. I need for this rain to stop and soon. Please keep us in your thoughts and all the others in the path of this flooding system. Thank you.

I feel like a lost scared child.

It's okay... no really, I understand. Sure, no pressure. You are fine. Oh, don't worry about it. I'm okay, yeah, I am. I know. You are fine.
All of these are little lies we tell others who have hurt us, to sooth them and make them not feel bad for being a prick and insensitive. LOL why do we do this. Why do we do this to ourselves. Putting other's needs (Especially those who needs should not be worried about) in front of ours. Why can we not just adult and say "You know, not sure what is going on but I am not sure what you meant by this, however this is what I got out of it. Please correct me if I am wrong in my thinking." Yes, how simple is that? You would think very as we are all adults not grade school kids right. LOL But you put emotional tags on anything, and it changes everything. We turn into people we would be harsh to if we saw it happening to someone else, but when it is you, blinders are on. Emotions are running high, and feelings do matter.
Think it all boils down to stepping back from the situation if only for a brief second and thinking what would I tell my friend to do if they were faced with this. I know for me it is easier to give advice then take it. Even my own advice and I am a great advice giver. LOL Or so I have been told. IF we can learn to put ourselves first and worry about our bruised heart then we can start changing and healing our internal and wounded heart. First step to loving ourselves. That is all.. please deposit all wooden nickels in the box near the exit. Good day.

What a horrible word. According to Merriam-Websters dictionary Afterthought means: afterthought
noun
af·​ter·​thought ˈaf-tər-ˌthȯt
1
: an idea occurring later
2
: something (such as a part or feature) not thought of originally : something secondary

Never be anyone's afterthought.

I find myself this morning conflicted and a bit bitter. What over you ask... choices.. it comes down to bad choices whether mine or someone else's. I am tired of feeling like I am not worthy. I will never be more than what I am at this moment. A nothing. a void. not even a random thought.