Alpina's blog post - What do I Deserve?

You deserve better, a comment by a dear friend reads, and he refers to what I wrote about Phillip and what made me cry the other day. Re-reading my blog I see that it is very emotional - but I have decided never to delete any of my texts only because they are emotional - it's how I felt then. What do I deserve? More than I already have? Something different?

I think Phillip loves me, or at least he does when we are together. He is considerate, amiable, open, funny, he entertains me well, he satisfies all my physical desires. What else do I want? He is honest (I know, it makes me cry), he does nothing behind my back, I can trust him fully, he is not an internet wanker who fulfills his desires with stealthy cybersex when I am away. (Look at me ...)

What do I want? Is it fair to expect him to repress his masculine sex drive only because he can have sex with me? Is this "character" in a man, when he looks away from all the pussies out there, that seem to open for him so readily? It excites him when I have sex with someone else - why should he not expect me to feel like him and to be excited likewise by what he tells me? I sometimes don't even know if I deserve him.

PS: Joerg phoned, which he hardly ever does. He told me to make sure that Tanja would really come along on Thursday. Oh my, oh my ...