Alpina's blog post - Philip

This blog is hard to write, because something has changed: up to now I used to be in charge: I chose, I fucked, I forgot - in the best case remembered tenderly if it was extraordinary. I hardly felt like repetition. I was satisfied and calm then ... till the next time, when I felt new needs.

Something HAS changed - I felt it this afternoon: where there was usually calm satisfaction, there was even more need than before, the wish to be touched again like last night. To be touched by him. I masturbated online - but it stayed with me. I masturbated under the shower, but it just grew stonger. I am sore, but all I can think is: Philip. Never stop doing to me what you did last night.

We will meet tomorrow night. He is a critic and writes for several papers. That's why he was there yesterday. He invited me to a play he had to write about, said he had two tickets, asked if I cared. I do care, because something has CHANGED.

It pleases me so, though I am also afraid.