)ReturnofOz's Recent Statuses
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Wed, 16-Nov-16 10:11 PM (7 years ago)
Sculpting a revenge body is just such a great time. 4 stone lost so far *smirky emoji*
this isn't a revenge body after a break up though, more like a revenge body for everyone who has never fancied me 
Wed, 3-Aug-16 8:05 PM (7 years ago)
When you nearly crash your car because you're playing with the D.
Sat, 4-Jun-16 3:21 PM (7 years ago)
The worst has happened and my flatmate has signed me up to an online dating site. Like, not even tinder. It's for actual adults. Pls no.
Thu, 12-May-16 8:29 PM (7 years ago)
If you have ever sent me a message about a "tribute", I just need you to know that the only thing I'm thinking about is Tenacious D. If you know, you know.
"This is not a cum soaked pic, this is just a tribute"
(7 years ago)
Sat, 2-Apr-16 10:13 PM (8 years ago)
When bushofire is snoring so loudly and taking up your whole bed you gotta go sleep in your flatmate's bed - *shatters 1000 NN women's images of bush*
I hear the best way to stop him snore is to apply a soft pillow with heavy pressure to the general area. He should stop after a few minutes 
(8 years ago)
MarkandLacey likes this
Sat, 12-Mar-16 9:27 PM (8 years ago)
Good news is I've lost 1st 2lbs in 5 weeks. Bad news is my boobies are disappearing.
FudgeGuy likes this
Wed, 3-Feb-16 11:05 PM (8 years ago)
Dudes, I just started slimming world. Watch out for the hottest version of Oz coming to your filthy minds soon.
x
Sat, 23-Jan-16 12:52 PM (8 years ago)
Operation get a boyfriend by Valentine's Day is going just as well as last year. Dominos for one, then?
Sun, 6-Dec-15 9:20 AM (8 years ago)
I haven't had sex in like, 5 months. I don't know whether to cry or pat myself on the back for lasting this long.
I read that profile name ^^^ as "manbooblover" at first and thought well, that's sure different.
(8 years ago)
PhuckMyEyes likes this
Sun, 8-Nov-15 10:05 PM (8 years ago)
More heartbroken over losing my Tiffany & co bracelet I was given for my 21st than any breakup. Brb just standing on a street corner to afford a replacement xox
Sat, 31-Oct-15 10:00 AM (8 years ago)
For Halloween I suggest you stay dressed exactly as you are and when people ask, you say "I'm a cunt" *sassy hair flick*
Wed, 28-Oct-15 11:33 AM (8 years ago)
Day 2 of doctors signing me off work and all I want to do is make a duvet den and have sex all day
Sun, 25-Oct-15 3:30 AM (8 years ago)
Sooooo i went out with 5 of my best friends and I've come home early because they've all pulled and nobody wants me. Seriously. Am I that repulsive that nobody wants me? world, swallow me up pls.
Sat, 24-Oct-15 5:00 PM (8 years ago)
New hair, fresh nails, tidy room and the best girl gang to drink tequila and dance on bars with
Fri, 16-Oct-15 7:04 PM (8 years ago)
Where the fuck is my happy ending? Sick and tired of seeing everyone that's ever hurt me get what they want. Bye. *hair flick* *sobs into pillow*
Sat, 10-Oct-15 5:35 PM (8 years ago)
I got into a fight with a girl last night. Don't mess with someone that's fucked off with everyone and everything. Poor bitch.
Tue, 6-Oct-15 9:54 PM (8 years ago)
How do you delete someone from your life? Where's the button? I can't seem to find it.
Wed, 23-Sep-15 8:49 PM (8 years ago)
Going to Florida on Friday and I've got 2 bikinis packed. TWO MOTHERFUCKING BIKINIS. Haven't worn one of those buggers in public since I was about 10.
Tue, 8-Sep-15 8:09 PM (8 years ago)
You know you're over it when you're not arsed about social media stalking. Neeeexxxxxxttttttt.
Sun, 6-Sep-15 9:11 PM (8 years ago)
How many housemate points do I get if I whisk my lass away to Disneyland Paris for a surprise birthday present in November? I would do the equivalent for my boyfriend but we're both FOREVER ALONE.
Thu, 27-Aug-15 8:32 PM (8 years ago)
Any perves heading to Leeds fest? I'll be the drunk girl with big boobs and white docs \m/
Mon, 24-Aug-15 6:44 PM (8 years ago)
My fucking car has been broken into AGAIN! Life allows be to be content for about 2 weeks and then it fucks up all over again. Feeling very sorry for myself and very lost 
Sun, 23-Aug-15 9:42 PM (8 years ago)
Bad thing about boys: they're dicks. Good thing about boys: their dicks.