Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day, resting. He enquired of God,
'Where have you been?'
God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said,
'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.'
'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth. 'For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot, and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.'
God continued, pointing to the different countries. This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.'
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked,
'What's that?'
'Ah,' said God. That's the South West of England, the most glorious place on earth.
There are beautiful people, beautiful countryside and impressive cities; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, and explorers.
The people from the South west of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth.'
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,
'What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!'
God replied very wisely,
'Wait till you see the bunch of tossers I'm putting down the South East to Govern the country!'
just once id like my pain in the ass mother in law to remember she has THREE grandchildren not just one like she seems to think.my step daughter seems to be the golden child who gets all the time and effort yet my two get fuck all.im not talking about possessions or anything like that just simple time spent with them but noo it seems everyone and everything else is more important.
am right royally fucked off with it now.
one day shes gonna want to spend time with them and they aint gonna wanna know and ill be stood there saying i fucking told you so!!!
"the mother is around,thankfully the child doesnt live with us!"
- Army_brat_uk
Saturday, March 30, 2013, 11:34:15 PM- small world
well my mind is blown lmao
bumped into a guy who gave my police cadet corps a talk on guns back in 00-01 ish when i was 15 and he remembers me!!on a site with hundreds of users i have to bump into some who knew me 11 years ago when i had braces n was a mini copper lmao *hides under a rock*
Don’t lay me in some gloomy churchyard shaded by a wall
Where the dust of ancient bones has spread a dryness over all,
Lay me in some leafy loam where, sheltered from the cold
Little seeds investigate and tender leaves unfold.
There kindly and affectionately, plant a native tree
To grow resplendent before God and hold some part of me.
The roots will not disturb me as they wend their peaceful way
To build the fine and bountiful, from closure and decay.
To seek their small requirements so that when their work is done
I’ll be tall and standing strongly in the beauty of the sun.
"Once I got past the ear worm gross out comment.....I listened to the videos. Great choices."
- tight_wet_lips
Saturday, March 02, 2013, 9:39:10 PM- out of the mouth of babes
my sister in law who lives in houston,missouri is a bail bondsman
this is a convo between my neice and nephew from facebook,made me giggle
nephew put his handcuffs on himself and asked niece to bond him out... niece said "No youve got a cash only bond... Id have to charge interest..." nephew got upset..." No its a cash/assurity and iv got collateral... Im tellin mom..."
LMAO i love my neice n nephews :D even from thousands of miles away they make me laugh
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