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Viewing Member - By-the-Sea



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Wednesday, February 25, 2015, 3:49:58 PM- Jack Daniels Fishing Story
I went fishing this morning,
but a short time I ran out
of worms.
Then I saw a Cottenmouth
with a frog in its mouth.
Frogs are good Bass bait.

Knowing the snake could't bite me withe th Frog in it's mouth,
I grabbed it right behind the head,took the frog,
and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without
getting bit. So I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and
I poured a little whiskey in it's mouth. It's eyes rolled back,
and it went limp.

I released the snake into the lake without incident and carried on with fishing,using the frog as bait.

Not long after, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that damn snake.....with
two more frogs.....

Life is good
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Most Recent Comment:
"Good one. Glad you're enjoying life and hopefully staying warm."
- lovitt


Tuesday, February 24, 2015, 3:45:27 PM- Back by pouluarly demand
NN by the grace of gods gave me BTS again...I asked for it back a while ago...Then out of the blue it's back....
I was spare-change for nearly a year...But everybody thinks of me as By-the-sea....I am beating cancer...which I was told I would not survive...hence why I deleted the sea account.....
They took some mighty big lumps of stuff out of me...I quit smoking almost 40 years too late...
I do thank you of the support while I was Spare change....especially TWL...smile
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Most Recent Comment:
"Glad to see that name in print here again. That's who you have always been to us old timers anyway. By-the-Sea, alive, kicking and beer drinking again! Glad you quit those fags. Fags are not good. lol"
- chargingram


Tuesday, April 30, 2013, 4:34:50 AM-
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
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Most Recent Comment:
"Yes, being inside of the courtroom is one of the best things about the job."
- tight_wet_lips


Monday, April 29, 2013, 3:33:01 PM-
Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
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"Old school yay!!"
- Whispermyname


Friday, April 19, 2013, 7:17:06 PM- Okay bite me
I still have the windows 95 disk on my shelve....What to do with all these floppies is a problem
The one thing that is a constant...I am naked on Newbie Nudes
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"bites ya! lol"
- Northern Star


Friday, April 19, 2013, 5:34:34 PM- Just Imagine
Some Race Horses Were Talking

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
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"Hahahaha lol"
- Whispermyname


Tuesday, April 16, 2013, 1:41:19 PM- Now you know
If Men Got Pregnant

1. Morning sickness would rank as the nations number one health problem.

2. Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay.

3. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

4. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

5. All methods of birth control would become 100% effective.

6. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

7. There would be a cure for stretch marks.

8. They would serve beer instead of coffee at antenatal classes.

9. Men wouldn't think twins were so cute.

10. Sons would have to come home from dates by 9 pm.
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"We're not all bad!! But some of these are spot on lol"
- guitartxn


Monday, April 15, 2013, 2:41:07 PM- Well I do say....
Shirley's Makeover

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, "Is this it?"

God said, "No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live."

Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?"

God replied, "Shirley! I didn't recognize you!"
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"bahahahahahahahaha"
- Whispermyname


Friday, April 12, 2013, 7:35:25 PM- Doggie got to have fun too
Take a big swig of beer and then give your dog a tongue kiss.....my dog loves me...Damn I am bad at times...the dog in question is already 18 years old and has loved me for a long time
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Most Recent Comment:
"lol @ Lovitt"
- tight_wet_lips


Tuesday, April 09, 2013, 3:22:35 PM- Just a Rebel in my genes
To the man who waited on me
At the Starbucks down on Main
I hope you understand
When I put on that t-shirt
The only thing I meant to say
Is I’m a Skynyrd fan

The red flag on my chest is somehow like the elephant
In the corner of the South
And I just walked him right in the room

Just a proud rebel son
With an old can of worms
Looking like I’ve got a lot to learn
But from my point of view

I’m just a white man
Coming to you from the Southland
Trying to understand what it’s like not to be
I’m proud of where I’m from
But not everything we’ve done
And it ain’t like you and me to rewrite history

Our generation didn’t start this nation
We’re still picking up the pieces
Walking over eggshells
Fighting over yesterday
And caught between southern pride
And southern blame

They called it Reconstruction
Fixed the buildings, dried some tears
We’re still sifting’ through the rubble
After 150 years

I’ll try to put myself in your shoes
And that’s a good place to begin
It ain’t like I can walk a mile
In someone else’s skin

‘Cause I’m just a white man
Living in the Southland
Just like you, I’m more than what you see
I’m proud of where I’m from
And not everything we’ve done
And it ain’t like you and me to rewrite history

Our generation didn’t start this nation
And we’re still paying for the mistakes
Than a bunch of folks made
Long before we came
Caught somewhere between southern pride
And southern blame

[LL Cool J]
Dear Mr. White Man, I wish you understood
What the world is really like when you’re living in the hood
Just because my pants are saggin’ doesn’t mean I’m up to no good
You should try to get to know me, I really wish you would
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Most Recent Comment:
"awesome!"
- tight_wet_lips


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