Monday, April 01, 2013, 12:16:33 PM- Movin' Right Along...
It's been over a month now since I've stopped putting my phone into 'what if' mode before bed. A mode that would be sure to wake me up if someone were to call or txt me while I was asleep. The funny part is, I still look at my phone just after I wake up every morning with a slight bit of hope that the little light is blinking.
This no sex thing is really starting to get to me. I don't know think I can go without for the whole length of time I was hoping for. I may very well have to make an exception here and there if someone exceptional comes along.
"lol.......you have to commit to it. Not everyone is cut out for celibacy"
- tight_wet_lips
Sunday, March 17, 2013, 12:47:41 PM- Delusional DayDreamer
St. Patrick's Day 2012; I realized I was falling in Love.
St. Patrick's Day 2013; I'm trying to fall out of Love.
It's only been a month since I've had any sexy times and I'm already losing my mind. To make matters worse, Spring is on it's way. Oh the skirts and sundresses. My-oh-my.
It's going to be a long year.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013, 1:26:28 AM- The Clearing
It's amazing how things can become so much more clear when you stand back and take a look at them. Every day I wake up feeling more like the person I know I truly am and less like the person I led myself to believe I was. For the first time in a LOOOONG time I'm actually excited about the future instead of just enjoying today and not giving a fuck about what tomorrow brings.
I've even given up dating and accepting booty calls. I closed all my online dating profiles back in Jan. and haven't even given them a second thought since. I honestly couldn't be bothered at this point. Sure I'll miss the sex but I've still got Hangelina and Palmela.
I'm curious to see where I am a year from now when I come back and read this.
Saturday, March 09, 2013, 6:38:07 PM- Cha-Cha-Change
I know it sounds like I'm always blaming someone else for where I am in my life but trust me I KNOW that I'm the one to blame. I've allowed these things to affect me the way they have. I've been working towards changing that and taking full accountability for my lot in life. It's time to live life for me and not for somebody else or because of how somebody else has treated me.
In astrology they say that the scorpio has 3 totems of evolution. I feel as though I'm about to make another transition. Putting behind me the all the self-doubt and self-destructive behaviour which has led me to where I am today. I've never let anything get in the way of achieving what I wanted. Unfortunately the things I've been putting that energy towards were fleeting. Pleasures of the flesh and immediate gratification nothing of value for the days that lay ahead. Things are switching from what I want NOW to what I want for TOMORROW. Rising from the ashes I'm set to forge my own path of healing. Everything is finally starting to become clear. The next 2 years will be all about ME and that's the way it HAS to be. Nothing will get in my way and all obstacles will be overcome. I may lose friends in the process but if they are that easy to lose than they were never worth having in the first place.
This blog is more for me than it is for any of you.
Friday, March 08, 2013, 2:47:40 PM- Blah Blah Blog
So I was going to write this whole blog about how back in my mid-20's I was in a long term relationship with someone that was, I guess you'd call it abusive. Not in the physical sense but in the psychological sense. Constantly being told you're not that smart and just learn to live with that, it really doesn't do a person good. I would have described in more detail of this led me to develop a lot of the issues I carried with me through life since then and how it even shaped my relationships that followed.
But this isn't really the place for that now is it? Let me just say that over the past few months my confidence is once again finding it's way back to it's Pre-Audrey Era.
So instead I've decided to list some of my favourite fictional couples which for whatever reason make my heart melt a little bit when I think of their relationship. Of course not all...well not many, are 'typical' or 'normal' relationships but I feel deep down they illustrate a kind of Love that I would like to find.
Here we go:
Hank Moody & Karen
Clarence & Alabama
Spike & Drusilla
Marshall & Lily
Wesley & Buttercup
Jen & Kira
Monica & Chandler(Ya I know!)
Wash & Zoe
David Addison & Maddie Hayes
Zed & Zoe
Thursday, October 11, 2012, 10:07:16 PM- Thanksgive'r Weekend
I keep meaning to post a "real" blog but I haven't had the time as of late However after this past Thanksgiving weekend I've realized that if I keep putting it off I'll end up with a novel. So I've decided I'll start an email to myself and write the blog in there. Do some tweaks as memories slip into sight before they slide back into their cozy beds.
Things have been going quite well recently. This year has been such an eye opener for me and I couldn't be more thankful for the events that have led me to this point.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
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