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Friday, February 22, 2008, 1:27:53 PM- Male/Female Dictionary

Male/Female Dictionary
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car’s hood.
Male......The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male......Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male.......Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment)
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male.......Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male......Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male...... Source of entertainment, self-statement, and male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.......Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male........A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes.

Viewers Comments (4):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	":+)" - mdguy

Thursday, February 14, 2008, 2:55:25 PM- An old preacher was dying.

An old preacher was dying.
He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members),to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.
As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.
The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.
For a time, no one said anything.
Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.
They were however puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them. Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly,
"Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go,too.

Viewers Comments (2):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"Oh dear! :))" - mdguy

Wednesday, February 13, 2008, 7:08:25 PM- 10,000

Who's going to be our 10,000 blog viewer?
On 9961 now.

Viewers Comments (5):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"Or is this one 10,000 either way think i amit he he" - nipospirit

Tuesday, February 12, 2008, 7:44:31 PM- Blog Jumping

Blog bounceing,
oops thought you said bog bounceing.
just posted a vid of it. hehehe

Viewers Comments (2):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"HEHE! :)" - mdguy

Monday, February 11, 2008, 8:42:25 PM- BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN NEW JERSEY...

BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN NEW JERSEY...
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real New Jersey driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is
considered going with the flow.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rearended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.
6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
7. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. New Jersey is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
8. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in New Jersey during rush hour.
11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a New Jersey driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in New Jersey
13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someonechanging a tire.
14. Learn to swerve abruptly. New Jersey is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the State Highway Department, which puts potholes in locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
15. It is traditional in New Jersey to honk your horn at
cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
16. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
17. Remember that the goal of every New Jersey driver is
to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
18. Real New Jersey women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
19. Real New Jersey men drivers can remove their girlfriend's panties and bra at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
20. In the New Jersey area 'flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite New Jersey salute. This gesture should always be returned.

Viewers Comments (1):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"HAHA!! It works for Virginia too. :p" - mdguy

Monday, February 11, 2008, 1:06:40 PM- "assicons"

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons", where

means a smile and

is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by

and

respectively.

Well, how about some "assicons"? Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

Viewers Comments (6):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"( o ) ....need I say more?" - tight_wet_lips

Saturday, February 9, 2008, 1:29:33 PM- This has driven me nuts...

Please count the people below, wait a while for the picture to change then count them again.

This will drive you crazy!
WHERE DOES THE EXTRA MAN COME FROM?
Don't ask me; I haven't figured it out yet, that's why I'v e sent it to you.

Viewers Comments (5):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"its got me stumped lol xxoo" - nickey69

Friday, February 8, 2008, 8:53:45 PM- New Buzz Words/Phrases for 2008!

New Buzz Words/Phrases for 2008!

Essential vocabulary additions for those remaining
in the workplace:

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Viewers Comments (4):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"I suffer from cronic brain fart and selective amnesia so a little blamestorming seems to be the ticket to get to the bottom of it all." - oooos4all

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 4:50:57 PM- finish all the things you have started.......

Dr. Neil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.......

So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonay , a bole of Baileys, a butle of Kehuha, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke, some saltins an a bax a cholates.

Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.

Viewers Comments (9):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"hahahahahahahhaah...omg ...this was great!!!" - tight_wet_lips

Wednesday, February 6, 2008, 12:07:19 PM- This is a gross one... Not for the faint hearted.

This is a gross one... Not for the faint hearted.
You're warned

Tom, Frank, and Harry are fishing in a boat.
Frank stands up to get a beer, loses his balance, falls in the lake, and dissapears.
After a few minutes, and no sign of Frank, Tom tells Harry he better go in after him.
Harry drags him into the boat and notices hes not breathing. "Better give him mouth-to-mouth" says Tom.
"Whew! I dont remember him having this bad of breath!" says Harry.
Tom replies, "Oh yeah, well I dont remember him wearing a snowmobile suit!"

Viewers Comments (1):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"Oh dear! Ewww! lol." - mdguy