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Tuesday, January 27, 2015, 1:59:39 AM- My recent obsession with
posting pics of my breasts started back in Nov when I went for a routine mammogram. I am and always have been a horrible patient. I hate Drs.
They found something. I knew they would. I have known that anomaly was there for 30 years but of course the "films" were lost in the history of time, moves, Dr changes etc. But they needed to investigate further. Another mammogram and an ultrasound. That led to finding an enlarged lymph node in my right arm pit which led to a biopsy.
That all happened just before Christmas and with the impending holidays the usual 10-15 day wait for results was prolonged. When I did finally get a call I didn't answer it because I was not home and they didn't have my cell number. I called back and left a message with them. Long story short another week passed before I connected with the breast assessment clinic.
I have to thank a few close friends who helped keep me sane during this time especially one who threatened to endure a Canadian winter because she wasn't going to let me do it without her :)
My appointment was today.
Scared? Oh hell yeah.
I am one of the lucky ones. I am fine!
I can't however stop thinking of the ones that are not so lucky and I can't help but think about the people like me, men and women who can not stand poking, prodding and being made to feel like nothing but a slab of meat. I know I will have to remind myself of it in the future and want to remind you all of it now. They do not do it to be cruel, they do it to save your life.
Today my life is good. It may have been a different story and it may have been that the early detection could have saved me even with all the "setbacks"
I am putting this here to remind myself as much as I am to remind anyone else that even tho tests can be invasive, painful, embarrassing and humiliating they aren't done to cause harm, they are done to prevent it.
This public service announcement has been brought to you by one relived,
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"I am happy the news was good even if the waiting was terrible. I am happy that you are being proactive."
- ohiojoesanta

Saturday, January 24, 2015, 2:56:36 AM- I can be as sophomoric as any one
And when I heard about a recipe this morning that celebrates Robbie Burns day (today) I thought YES! Mainly because I had all of the ingredients and I liked the name.

Cock a leekie soup!
I DO swallow :)
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"It looks delicious. I hope it is as good as it looks."
- ohiojoesanta

Saturday, January 10, 2015, 4:02:41 AM- Every now and then
I glance at my profile.
Under fav posters it says "the guys that know what sexy is"
Sexy is kinda like an interpretive dance. You dance I will decide if you are sexy or not :P
I was looking at friends, spotlights and randomly perving.
The pics that have stuck in my mind... some of them more than a decade old are the ones that have said well this is me. I am kinda self conscious but I am going to post with a sense of humour, some bravado and just plain guts.
It has been a while since I have seen pics posted with a good old sense of fun.
I can find perfectly posed, lit, waxed etc bodies anywhere on the net... slapping NN on a pic doesn't make it sexy or interesting or hot. It just makes it another pic of another body. Slap some personality on it and I am all over it.
Desperately seeking the impossible,

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"hey ju, thats why i posted my last pics, bit of fun and abnormality never hurt anyone, plain old naked pics can get tedious, put some originality in i say :-) x"
- mr.expo

Sunday, December 21, 2014, 11:07:51 PM- I am almost ready.
Just a few things left to wrap and some last minute preparation for the meals. I am off tomorrow but then have to work Tues. and Wed. So I am hoping to be well ahead of the game before then.
A little Xmas/Christmas trivia because I found it interesting.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday no matter which one you are celebrating!
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"Merry Christmas Juicy"
- snowcap9

Friday, November 28, 2014, 9:52:53 PM- I blogged last night
It was a good blog too but when I went back to edit it I accidentally hit delete.
We really need an "are you sure you want to delete" button around here.
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"I agree, done that a few times"
- whokens

Wednesday, November 26, 2014, 2:16:30 AM- To sleep perchance to dream
or some such drivel.
I don't know why it happens but I go through stages of crazy, realistic, annoying, frustrating dreams. After several nights of sleepless, being asleep but dreaming too vividly to get any real rest dreams, last night was relatively restful.
If you were in London on your way to Berlin (neither place I have ever visited) and happened to stop at the dentist along the way... we may have met.
The mind is a beautiful thing... so they say.

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"lol oh god i am so glad i never remember my dreams lol xxx"
- newromantic

Tuesday, November 18, 2014, 12:28:57 AM- I was going to write a blog
about getting your first aid/CPR. Without going into great detail, last night I was grateful to have had the training and was even more grateful K1 had done it too. Sure we were both out of date but when needed it came rushing back to us both. We were calm, we took charge and we were able to rationally deal with a very stressful situation. We didn't do it by the book, she was first responder until she woke me then I took over and she willingly followed instructions. We got done what needed to be done until more help arrived.
I said was going to write the blog because I started off wanting to tell everyone GO do it NOW!! and then I remembered some countries are different. Bad out comes can be very costly via lawsuits. I did not want to get into that. What I did want to emphasise is that you never know when you will encounter a situation where training even out of date training is going to be better than none.
If you have ever thought about going, do it. It isn't difficult and if you are worried about acting because of lawsuits at least if you are educated you can keep those around you from panicking by giving them specific chores until help arrives.
Shit happens and shit is never good but if you know how you can make shit less shitty than it already is, that makes you
well ahead of the game.
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"I'm glad you were able to do it."
- lennyknatural

Friday, November 07, 2014, 2:40:04 AM- Like most of us I suppose
I wake in the middle of the night with my mind racing. I go over and over things I am going to say, things I am going to do and asses I am definitely going to kick. I am surprisingly aggressive in the middle of the night.
I hate getting caught in that loop. It means no sleep for hrs and hrs on end. I am not doing productive thinking. I am reaching no real solutions and each time I look at the clock I get even more frustrated seeing how much time I have wasted when I should have been sleeping. It is by no means an every night occurance but it is draining.
I came across an app a last week, relaxing sounds. They are seasonal and quite a number of them were sounds I really do find relaxing. I downloaded it and forgot all about it until last night.
Yesterday was nothing unusual but there was one thing that happened that annoyed me, I didn't think to any great degree until 3:30 this morning.
I woke in fighting mode. I KNEW what I was going to say yadda, yadda, yadda. I tossed and turned for half an hr. Then it occurred to me try the app.
I tried the first one, sounds of the forest at night. It was perfect but I kept waiting for a loon to call out and it never did.
This one was sure to work. Dock sounds. Waves gently lapping at the shore and a boat bumping quietly against the dock. Not a chance.Too rhythmic. Onto the next one.
Rain. Yup just rain. The timer was set for 30 mins.
The incessant loop of ridiculous thoughts was scattered. Good thing. Less frequent tho happy thoughts replaced them with a lot of quiet in between. Even better thing. Then there was no thinking at all.
I heard it stop after 30 mins but I didn't care. I was mostly asleep.
I never thought I was susceptible to the power of suggestion nor did I want to be but in this case I was glad that I am.
There is an app for that,

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"I might have to try that cause once again I am awake at 3:30 am :("
- sorcha0922

Wednesday, October 29, 2014, 12:54:55 AM- Whew!!
I haven't shared much of a truly personal nature here in a long time. I used to love blogging and reading blogs and I honestly don't remember when that changed but this is a part of the site I rarely visit anymore. I have stuck a few things in this space of mine randomly and equally as randomly I look at the latest blogs.
I am back here because... well I don't know where else to go with it. Everything is so interconnected these days and silly as it sounds and it will sound even sillier once I have said what I came here to say I didn't want to share it with some of those that are closest to me. We shared it for real and I just need a place to process it.
Now that I have scared the crap out of some of you it is nothing but everything.
Many of you know I have a disabled child and those of you that didn't you do now.
I have been stressing huge, not sleeping. desperately trying to figure out how I was going to do Christmas this year. My income has dropped drastically with child tax credits etc being no longer available and yet I still have this adult (18 year old) child who believes in Santa. How the hell was I going to manage a magical Christmas this year? I knew I couldn't.
I do not know what prompted him today but he brought Christmas up and was questioning me. I didn't want to destroy the magic that Christmas is for him but at the same time wondered why he was asking.
He was pushing me and I was pushing back. Is Santa real? Do you think he is?
He said with a smile I don't think so and his face was not sad in fact he looked incredibly happy. Did you buy me this? Where? And this? and back over all of the Christmas's
It is funny eh. He may be challenged mentally and physically but he is very aware of what goes on around him. He can tell what the weather is going to be by the sounds the planes flying overhead make.
He wasn't sad to find out Santa isn't real. He look thrilled to find out it was me. I Get it.
I was able to tell him that Christmas will always be magical but I couldn't do it the way I have in the past.
Lil fucker then said can you get me a ...
It will cost me $20 and we are both looking forward to all of our fave shows and traditions.
Stress is off this Momma!
Thanks for listening to my rambling
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"*HUGE BEAR HUG* girl, u KNOW u can always rely on us for a shoulder.....never think u have to walk thru this world alone, k? Love ya! Xxxxx"
- Heavy Chevy

Friday, October 03, 2014, 1:00:40 AM- Fall
Autumn. Harvest.
Thanksgiving is just over a week away celebrating a bountiful harvest and my freezer is looking bountiful indeed.
Vegetable beef soup, minestrone and in the crock pot now a beef barley. Still to come French onion and pea soup. The turkey will give me the broth to make even more soups and stews.
This is my favourite time of year. Clean cooler air. Stunningly beautiful blue skies. The trees will give us a show of colour they have been hiding all summer and then the leaves will rain down creating a crunchy, earthy smelling path where ever we walk.
I always thing of fall as being calm and cosy. Time to snuggle. Time for bonfires. Time to breathe.
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"Fall is a truly wonderful time of year. Snuggling adds so much to every time of the year, but is extra special in the fall. Your soups sound delicious. I hope you might share some of your recipes. Beef barley is a favorite of mine and my wife enjoys a good French onion."
- ohiojoesanta

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