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|Wednesday, August 26, 2015, 7:15:16 PM- Montreal or Halifax|
I left Montreal and travelled to Halifax in April 2001. I had a
delayed reaction to the suicide of my massage teacher who
died around this time of year, 7 months earlier. Suddenly
nothing made sense to me. I could no longer do massage
work without crying, or becoming angry & resentful.
I was a homeless man in Halifax. I stayed there for four
months. I did volunteer work in a community garden. I made
a little bit of $ watering and weeding gardens for people on
vacation. I spent a lot of time walking and talking things
over with the Atlantic Ocean. Then finally the ocean told me
that I should go back to Montreal and try to do the best level
of massage work that I was capable of. So I did.
I feel like a huge weight is lifted from my shoulders now that
my aged cat has died. The past two years I have been
completely preoccupied with his care. It is not yet really real
that he is gone and no longer needs my help. I keep
expecting him to suddenly meow and ask to be fed.
The volunteer work that I have done at the street mission
has been good at the soul level. It is my spiritual heritage,
after all. My grandfather was a missionary. My father was
a preacher. Three uncles were/are preachers. This work
at the street mission is in my blood.
There is no contradiction between my work with needy
people at the mission and my NN life. "I am down on my
knees in the Church of the Divine Pussy." "For a serious
ass worshipper like me this is Church." I have learned
to balance the opposites.
But I really could do this work just as well in Halifax. The
Atlantic Ocean told me very clearly that if I did not feel
safe in Montreal that I would be welcome to come back.
We are headed into a fall and winter of bigtime poverty.
That should very obvious now. Many people will lose
their jobs and seek social assistance and food banks.
I hit bottom a long time ago, so I have no fear of poverty,
no shame at all.
I have not decided yet, but I will decide very soon.
|Wednesday, August 26, 2015, 12:46:25 PM- Montreal or Halifax|
Montreal or Halifax?
|Tuesday, August 25, 2015, 1:27:13 PM- Buster the Great|
My old cat died quietly some time between 4 - 5 a.m. I fell
asleep on the floor right beside him, and woke up later in
my bed. When I got up to check on him one hour later he
I don't know how to post photos in blog on this iPad, but
I will try to learn. He was such a handsome cat.
|Tuesday, August 25, 2015, 2:07:05 AM- Montreal or Halifax|
The psycho princess has been playing micro-concerts of
loud bass, gradually louder and louder. Fucked-up and
desperate for attention.
I don't know what to do after the death of my dear cat.
He is such a handsome beast. I will bury him in the big
wooded park nearby. I buried Princess Betty, the persian
longhair cat 3 years ago on the mountain.
Halifax is looking better to me.
|Monday, August 24, 2015, 3:04:15 PM- My poor old cat|
Well, something happened in the night. My 21-yr old cat
is ready to die. He is not crying out in pain, but he is
now partly paralyzed. Perhaps he had a stroke.
I am feeding him water with a dropper. He is able to
lick his lips, but not much more than that.
I think he will die today or tomorrow. All I can do is
hold him in my arms and sing to him, and remind
him of all the good times we have had. Sad day.
|Wednesday, August 19, 2015, 10:28:30 PM- the mountain of love|
Humidex of 40 degrees celsius today. A little bit smoggy,
but not that bad. The heat is very hard on my 21-year old
cat. He has been a very good friend for the past 10.5 years.
He is getting close to the end. As long as he is still eating
and drinking I will take care of him. But he is super-feeble now.
I went out to run on Mt. Royal in the early afternoon, chewing
on small bits of cool Ontario ginseng. It is a very big mistake
to use hot red ginseng in the summer. People sometimes show
up in emergency ward with killer headaches or fake heart
attacks after using korean red ginseng in summer heat. But
North American ginseng is universally cool and mild.
I always have abundant sweet saliva to swallow during a hot
run. But I take advantage of every water fountain possible.
I drench my head and back of neck & shoulders, splash my
I stopped half way through the run to do an exhaustion test
of pushups. After 68 pushups I tilted forward and fell facefirst
into the green grass. I did those between the two big old oaks.
I want to stay in Montreal. But if I have to I can make a new
life in Halifax.
|Wednesday, August 12, 2015, 1:56:23 AM- Give the Goddess Her Due|
So, like I said. When the news about the unprecedented heat
and drought out west comes too close, and it hurts my heart,
I come to NN to look for the Goddess. In all her manifestations
and intensities of desire that we all bring here.
New watering restrictions on the Sunshine Coast area of B.C.
There are dear ones in that area, going back to early 70s.
People can no longer water their gardens with tap water.
Grey water only for gardening. Thunderstruck! All it would take
is some careless toss of a hot cigarette butt, or a hot muffler
in tall grass, whatever cause, and suddenly big fire.
No more home gardening unless you take 3 or 4 baths a day.
So I come to NN to look for the Goddess. Renewal of the feminine
and renewal of the earth, its healing are closely together, somehow.
The deliberate creation of exhibitionist art to affirm the primacy
of female arousal as a healing, uplifting energy that comes through,
riding on these electrons, as we turn each other on.
When I worked in massage market here in Montreal I met a couple
women who worked in the handjob market. I would say that they embody
the Goddess very well. Big Time healing of depression, sadness,
emotional burn-out, etc. They do therapeutic work that the corporate
psychiatric world has no comprehension of.
The current of arousal in NN with women who discover righteous
masturbation and their sense of erotic surrender when they post
it for us to see. Hell, man! Doctors should be prescribing these
pictures and videos to their depressive patients.
I think this celebration of feminine arousal is like a spring,
or a fountain. I come here to get drunk with the Goddess.
And yes, get drunk with the funky monk, too.
|Friday, July 31, 2015, 3:03:21 AM- The Mountain of Love|
I wanted to accomplish just two things today : laundry and walk
in the big wooded park beside my shack. But while I was doing
laundry I overheard some people talking about an evening
concert up there at the chalet.
So after the laundry I had a little nap, just enough.
I walked up to the chalet after supper. There were already between
4-5 thousand people up there. Not much chance of finding a place
to sit down. Then my attention was drawn to a young couple who
were sitting on a stone planter. They were arguing with the people
in front of them, who would not sit down. Finally the young man
threw a hairy fit and walked away, cursing and being stupid.
I wanted to tell the young woman to go out a find a new boyfriend,
right toot sweet. But instead I just slid right over there and took the
seat. Perfect! I was very close to the orchestra and I colud sit
or stand. Great luck!
This was L'orchestre metropolitain de Montreal. A big, full
orchestra. And there was a natural reverb of the bass notes
bouncing off the stone chalet.
We got rained on in the beginning, walking up there, and then
another blast that sent the musicians scurrying back to the chalet.
There was just a slight delay, and everyone was patient.
Tchaikovsky's Romeo & Juliette came first - big chunk of it.
The music for the fight scene between Tybalt & Mercutio
was super electric and intense, gave me goosebumps and
chills down the spine.
Then Dvorak's 9th Symphony, complete. Talk about passion
and drama! A lot of us kept turning around to look behind to
see the nearly full moon rising up over tha St. Lawrence River.
It was a thoroughly charmed event. Every single person looked
radiantly beautiful and serene. I heard only one cell phone ring!
We brought them back for an encore - just a wee portion of
Elgar's Enigma Variations. Maybe total 100 minutes of music.
Walking back home in the dark, I was delighted to see that there
are still a few fireflies.
This city is ridiculously beautiful.
|Thursday, July 23, 2015, 1:17:00 AM- Give the Goddess Her Due|
Lordymama! I have such sweet fatigue in whole body this
evening. The street mission where I volunteer sponsored an
outing, in the eastern townships, to the east of Montreal. We
took a busload of poor people, whole families and loners and
everybody out to a national park called Yamaska.
I had been resisting the idea of going, because Wednesday
is a dedicated running day in the huge, sprawling, wooded
park right outside the door of my shack. But then I thought
that I might enjoy running along the lakeshore at Yamaska,
and then swim with the others.
I was one of the last people to get on the bus. I found a seat
at the very back. I was surrounded by women from the middle
east. Most, but not all were wearing the headscarves on their
heads - what do you call them? Is it babooshka? Yes, babooshka.
Some of the women were related, but not all. They giggled and
laughed with each other, taking cellphone photos of each other,
and communally managing all the children. They are very affec-
tionate and generous with each other.
We ate a big picnic lunch together, worrying about rain, but it
did not happen. I had a few sprinkles of rain later when I went
out to run on the lakeshore trails. The forest is so serene and
fresh and silent. I heard the wind in the quaking aspens, and
heard birdsong, but nothing else. My stride was calm and
steady, but I had no idea where I was. What a treat!
After about 36 minutes I stopped and turned around and ran back,
a bit faster on the return. When I got back, many of the others were
already swimming. I changed outta my running gear and into the
lake. Such clear, clean, fresh water. It felt so good!
I had done one big set of beaucoups of pushups in the woods at
the end of the run. I did not stretch because I did not want to cool
down too much.
I am so grateful for the chance to commune with the green world
in such an intimate way. And I said prayers for all those people
out west who are running away from their homes as the forest
burns out of control. I have family members who are climate science
deniars. They have to breathe the smoke every day, yet they continue
to drive their cars as single occupants, never taking public transport.
Instead of getting sad or depressed or sick about all the bad news
about ecological disaster and imminent destruction, I come here
to Newbie Nudes and look for the Goddess. There is something
about women discovering their erotic power that gives hope.
Glamour encourages consumerism, which gives permission
for all the resources to be used up, thrown away in ignorance.
I am looking for something other than glamour.
|Wednesday, July 15, 2015, 6:48:22 PM- First few weeks of running|
Not yet into the middle period of running season. But I feel
now that I am picking up where I left off last november. Some
times I get so inspired to run it is not rational, not reasonable.
I am not going out this evening to see Shakespeare In the Park.
I knew that it was going to be a difficult choice to make. It takes
about 45 minutes to walk to the place where the production of
TwelfthNight is going to happen.
I have been working through the re-awakening of some old
injuries in right hip & knee. I don't believe there is any new
damage. But the old adhesions have been provoked and
challenged. I feel a sense of restriction & tightness in upper
lateral hamsters, but when I get down in the grass after the
run to do stretches there is zero evidence of hypertonicity.
I could not have kept my legs at home and wait for the walk
to the park. And I was completely unable to tell my legs to
cool it and not sprint uphill. My legs completely ate up all
the jam. It was all out bliss of running hard.
I banged out three sets of pushups during the run. 50-50-74.
Took off shirt & shoes to do abdominals down in the grass,
and then good long stretching session.
I might go for a brief walk after supper, but not a long Shakespeare
In The Park walk.
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