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Viewing Member - gpflem



Blog Viewed: 1,425 times.

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Sunday, May 29, 2016, 10:27:07 AM- Do you need to go?
All the toilets in Melbourne's police stations have been stolen.

The police have nothing to go on.
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Sunday, May 29, 2016, 10:00:33 AM- Do you need to go?
All the toilets in Melbourne's police stations have been stolen.

The police have nothing to go on.
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Sunday, April 24, 2016, 9:09:31 PM- Anzac Day
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning

We will remember them.

Lest we forget
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Tuesday, March 22, 2016, 5:27:37 PM- Romance
Barbara was lying in bed one night. Fred was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me...
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck..."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Barb asked..

"To get my teeth!"
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"lol love it"
- Ley-dd


Monday, March 21, 2016, 7:42:06 AM- At the retirement home.
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.

She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?

Bessie thinks a minute and replies, "Close enough!
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"im good ty xx"
- Ley-dd


Tuesday, March 15, 2016, 12:19:33 PM- 72 Virgins
A suicide bomber died and went to Paradise, as foretold. When he arrived there he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his 72 virgins, as promised.

Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven.

Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because people like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty. I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!"

The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"

Allah replied, "Who told you they were women?
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"oh that what i used to say ;)"
- Artistic


Tuesday, December 22, 2015, 1:15:59 AM- Merry Christmas
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"hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas xxxxxxxx"
- Ley-dd


Monday, November 16, 2015, 11:22:26 AM- Sex on the mind.
I have sex on my mind all the time. It is always there. It is so constant I cannot concentrate on anything else.

To help relieve this problem I went to see a psychologist. He told me we would do an ink block test. He would show me an ink block and I would tell him what I saw in it.

He showed me the first and I said "Thats a young couple in bed having sex".

The next - "That is a young girl on her knees giving her boyfriend a blow job."

The third - "Oh that is a couple in the bush having sex against the tree."

He said "You certainly do have a problem."

"Me?" I said. " You're the one with the porno pics!"
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"Thanks gpf xxx"
- Ley-dd


Sunday, October 25, 2015, 2:34:21 AM- Artistic
When Miley Cyrus gets naked and signs a song while licking a hammer its called music and art.

When I do it at the hardware store I am called a drunk and told to get out!
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Sunday, May 17, 2015, 2:22:16 AM- Terrible sleep
Had a horrible dream last night. I dreamed I was a muffler.

Woke up exhausted
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"hey gpf hows you xx"
- Ley-dd


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