|
|
|
Viewing Member - TopCat
|
|
|
 Blog |
|
|
|
Blog Viewed: 19,905 times.
 First |  Previous | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next  | Last  | Page 1 of 221 |
| Thursday, May 23, 2013, 10:48:40 PM- FYI................ | The orgasm has 4 stages:
1. Asthmatic (ahh, ahh, ahh)
2. Mathematics (more, more, ohh baby more)
3. Religious (OMG!)
4. Criminal (If you pull it out or stop licking I'll
fucking kill you!) | Viewers Comments (1): |  Add / View Comments | Most Recent Comment: | "Ah yes God has got the credit for many of mine :- P"  - Whispermyname |
|
| Wednesday, May 22, 2013, 11:36:22 PM- Hunting Trip................... | Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a shit."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass."
The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with shit all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?" | |
| Tuesday, May 21, 2013, 9:26:39 PM- Give Me The Bill | Inebriated drinker says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $37.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $37.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it, so he picks the guy up, beats the living day lights out of him, and throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill."
In disgust the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?'
The drunk replies, "No, you go fucking nuts when you drink."
| |
| Monday, May 20, 2013, 7:35:37 PM- Abstinence...................... |
Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."
| |
| Sunday, May 19, 2013, 2:05:31 PM- Football and the Blonde................. |
Of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best -- because it makes football make sense!
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were trying to kill each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was... 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!" | Viewers Comments (2): | Add / View Comments | Most Recent Comment: | "well it is onlt 23 cents ffs"  - Safire13 |
|
| Saturday, May 18, 2013, 9:22:38 PM- The Big Horse Race...... |
Horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosum
10. Merry Cherry
At the Post:
They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosum is being pressured.
Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson
in a very tight spot.
At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top.
Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Johnson is making a final drive.
Passionate Lady is coming.
At The Finish It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and
Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and
wins by a head.
Heavy Bosum weakens and Thighs pulls-up.
Clean Sheets never had a chance.
| |
| Friday, May 17, 2013, 11:17:48 PM- The Test............... | A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip...same reaction.
But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.
Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.
He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:
"Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out.
"That tastes like pee!," he shoots back at the drunk.
The drunk replies: "It ish. Now how old am I?"
| Viewers Comments (1): | Add / View Comments | Most Recent Comment: | "Did he wake up with a black eye and missing teeth?"  - chargingram |
|
| Thursday, May 16, 2013, 9:17:55 PM- Aunt TWL........... | A blonde calls a pharmacy and asks if she needs an infant scale to weigh a baby. The clerk explains that many women figure out an infant's weight by weighing themselves while holding the baby on an adult scale, then the mother weighs herself alone and subtracts the second amount from the first.
"Oh, that won't work," replies the blonde. "I'm not the mother -- I'm the aunt." | Viewers Comments (3): | Add / View Comments | Most Recent Comment: | "i don't bite......i just nibble :-)
"  - TopCat |
|
| Wednesday, May 15, 2013, 10:00:10 PM- Tattoo.................. |
This guy goes into a tattoo shop and requests to have a 100 dollar bill tattooed on his penis.
"Why do you want that permanently on your penis?" asks the tattoo artist.
"Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and this way my wife can blow a hundred bucks without leaving the house
| |
| Tuesday, May 14, 2013, 8:19:54 PM- How To Get To Go Fishing |
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place.
First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: " I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, " Fishing or Sex" and she said, " Wear a Sweater." | Viewers Comments (2): | Add / View Comments | Most Recent Comment: | "I would go fishing with him and pack a lunch"  - tight_wet_lips |
|
| First | Previous | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next | Last | Page 1 of 221 |
|
Send a Private Message to TopCat