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Sunday, October 19, 2014, 5:13:01 PM- Reason #5,254,689 NOT to Live in the Jungle

Piotr Naskrecki was taking a nighttime walk in a rainforest in Guyana, when he heard rustling as if something were creeping underfoot. When he turned on his flashlight, he expected to see a small mammal, such as a possum or a rat.

Me: Who the fuck takes a “nighttime walk in a rainforest”? Why? What GOOD could possibly come from this? Have you seen Predator? I have. Fuck that.

"When I turned on the light, I couldn't quite understand what I was seeing," said Naskrecki, an entomologist and photographer at Harvard University's Museum of Comparative Zoology.

Me: See? No good is coming from this (that’s what she said).

A moment later, he realized he was looking not at a brown, furry mammal, but an enormous, puppy-size spider.

Me: Cue the aneurism, heart attack, stroke or just plain shitting myself. #noshame

Known as the South American Goliath birdeater (Theraphosa blondi), the colossal arachnid is the world's largest spider, according to Guinness World Records. Itsleg span can reach up to a foot (30 centimeters), or about the size of "a child's forearm," with a body the size of "a large fist," Naskrecki told Live Science. And the spider can weigh more than 6 oz. (170 grams) — about as much as a young puppy, the scientist wrote on his blog. [See Photos of the Goliath Birdeater Spider]

Me: Nah, thanks. No more photos. I’m good. *nods*

Some sources say the giant huntsman spider, which has a larger leg span, is bigger than the birdeater. But the huntsman is much more delicate than the hefty birdeater — comparing the two would be "like comparing a giraffe to an elephant," Naskrecki said.

Me: Really? I’ve seen videos of huntsman spiders. Seeing one in my home would be cause enough to move and then burn it down. That’s the only sure way I could kill it.

The birdeater's enormity is evident from the sounds it makes. "Its feet have hardened tips and claws that produce a very distinct, clicking sound, not unlike that of a horse's hooves hitting the ground," he wrote, but "not as loud."

Me: Not as loud?!? Oh, I feel so much better. Any spider that I can HEAR is fucking terrifying enough. Thanks.

When Naskrecki approached the imposing creature in the rainforest, it would rub its hind legs against its abdomen. At first, the scientist thought the behavior was "cute," he said, but then he realized the spider was sending out a cloud of hairs with microscopic barbs on them. When these hairs get in the eyes or other mucous membranes, they are "extremely painful and itchy," and can stay there for days, he said. [Creepy-Crawly Gallery: See Spooky Photos of Spiders]

Me: Cute? CUTE?!? Puppies are cute. Puppy-sized spiders are the hand of GOD! You sir, deserved whatever this little slice of hell could dish at you.

But its prickly hairs aren't the birdeater's only line of defense; it also sports a pair of 2-inch-long (5 centimeters) fangs. Although the spider's bite is venomous, it's not deadly to humans. But it would still be extremely painful, "like driving a nail through your hand," Naskrecki said.

Me: It’s “like driving a nail through your hand”. Being punctured by something that is sharp and two inches long is EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME AS HAVING A NAIL DRIVEN THROUGH YOUR HAND!!!

And the eight-legged beast has a third defense mechanism up its hairy sleeve. The hairs on the front of the spider's body have tiny hooks and barbs that make a hissing sound when they rub against each other, "sort of like pulling Velcro apart," Naskrecki said.

Me: It hisses. The fucking thing hisses. As if the horsey hoof leg shit and the saber teeth weren’t enough, it will HISS at you with its body hair. What. The. Fuck? 0_o

Yet despite all that, the spider doesn't pose a threat to humans. Even if it bites you, "a chicken can probably do more damage," Naskrecki said.

Me: I’ve never had a nightmare about a chicken. I like my chances with the chicken. “MrC vs. The Chicken” sounds a lot less pee-leg inducing than “MrC vs. The Blindingly Fanged Hissing Giant Fucking Spider”.

That is all.

The actual article is here:
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"I seen one of looking spider"

Saturday, October 18, 2014, 11:28:11 PM- Game of THROOOOOONES!!!

If you don't watch GoT this will not be NEARLY as funny as if you do.

I present to you ... Bad Lip Reading.

I had to keep pausing this every minute or so just because I was laughing so hard.

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"I'm SO GLAD you hadn't seen this! *makes mental note to thank my crazy friend W for sending it to me for you* I loved their new voices!!! X"
- FiFi72uk

Saturday, October 18, 2014, 2:59:33 AM- Pharmanography
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Friday, October 17, 2014, 1:36:12 AM- Plus Size?!?

This is from an overstock/sale site that I get emails from every day. This was one of the sections on today's email. Seriously?

Who in these photos is plus sized in ANY way shape or form?


The only way this would be acceptable to me would be if the company manufacturing the lingerie were named "Plus Size".

This is fucking ridiculous and is at the very heart of the reason that a lot of women can't accept how sexy they truly are.

There are no rules.
There is no mold.
There is no ideal size.

Work it.
Own it.
You're sexy just the way you are!
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"You're a gem ;)"
- beatlesgirl

Tuesday, October 14, 2014, 3:55:38 AM- 30 Down and 20 to Go!!!

In honor of a Federal judge striking down Alaska's repugnant law against gay marriage.

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Sunday, October 12, 2014, 11:16:01 PM- Stefon
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Thursday, October 02, 2014, 1:38:52 AM- l _ l _ l _ l _ l
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"Hehe very funny."
- sexyeyesblondie1

Thursday, September 18, 2014, 9:05:05 PM- Fuckin' Jack...
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"...and well, actually doable...but it feels like this."
- LuLusBakery

Sunday, September 14, 2014, 5:24:36 AM- Lips and Assholes!!!
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"Awe just adorable little one"
- kimberly_1229

Sunday, August 31, 2014, 7:04:03 PM- One Last Song.

I was very sad at the news that Bob Hoskins had passed.

I've always been a HUGE fan of 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'.

I saw this photo set on the Geek Girls Facebook page and thought it a sexy and fitting tribute to Bob.

One last song from Jessica Rabbit.

Rest in Peace, Bob.
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Most Recent Comment:
"GeekyGirl, she is a GREAT person! Very cool post for Bob, thanks for sharing Mr.C."
- MrMrsFX

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